An Obligatory post on the State of the Union

At one point in his speech President Obama said, “Most Americans are thinking the same thing right now: Nothing will get done this year.” One thing that certainly shall not come to pass this year is President Obama's sweeping tax reforms.

President Obama kept harping on fairness and greater income equality. This was largely rebuffed by Republicans as wealth redistribution. Regardless of the merits of the arguments or counter arguments it points to the fact that the American government is still deeply divided over taxes. Considering that America was largely founded because of not wanting to pay taxes this should hardly be surprising.

Let's face the facts. Nobody likes to pay taxes. When tax season comes around it is generally a depressing time. More so for those who make the most money because they have to pay the most. We aren't talking about percentages here. 10% of of $25,000 is $2500 and a burden to those who make so little. But 10% of $2,500,000 amounts to people having to write a check for $250,000 dollars and regardless of how much you make that hurts to write. We know. We've seen pictures on Flickr.

Given this revelation that we've just dropped on you, we figure we ought to look at what $250,000 dollars could buy if it weren't wasted in paying taxes to a government that will argue over how to spend it to the point that the money will inevitably end up as salary for some bureaucrat somewhere, probably in China. I learned that from Glenn Beck's monumental work entitled Scare Tactics 101.

$250,000 can buy you the steering wheel and gearshift of a Bugatti Veyron.

$250,000 could buy you an experience in which you give out hundred pound notes to the homeless in Manchester with Mario Balotelli. In other Italian news it could buy you twenty minutes at one of Silvio Berlusconi's parties.

$250,000 could buy you 25 or more houses in Detroit, though the property taxes would be prohibitive.

$250,000 could buy you one thousand shares (give or take) of National Bank of Greece. If Europe can satisfactorily avoid a Greek default this investment could make you a millionaire many times over. If not, you could use the shares as wallpaper for your 25 Detroit houses.

$250,000 could be spent in record time by Terrell Owens. It would make your head spin to see him rifle through the cash.

If you and 19 of your friends got together you could bet against Birdman's $5,000,000 bet on the Patriots to win the Superbowl. My gosh that is a gambling problem....

Or, if you are like me, you could purchase 125,000 copies of the Kindle version of the Monadology by your philosopher of note.

It seems as though we must wear the hair shirt tonight....

Chad Ochocinco and John Boehner

We haven't had a post on John Boehner in a week! How can we be so foolishly distracted by other things? We apologize for our lack of seriousness in pursuing the knowledge of John Boehner with as much vigor as we have been in tracking our coverage of the IKEA vs. Urban Outfitter war or the hipster and their fixie fascination. It is unfortunate but it seems our readership enjoys our faux war and hipster more than Mr. Boehner as well.

President Obama gave the State of the Union last night. Sadly, we feel obliged to post on that and will do so soon. It's not that we don't want to. It's just that everybody already has and we shan't come up with anything original without descending into mockery - something that we're not above doing, but something for which we must pay penance in the form of a cilice for. It's itchy.

But, like many people, Chad Ochocinco was watching the State of the Union address. Unlike many of those that watched it, Mr. Ochocinco had no idea who the grumpy man in the background was. It was of course John Boehner. Chad Ochocinco took to his twitter machine and launched off some tweets about the sad man behind Mr. Obama. He would learn that it was John Boehner and would subsequently cheer him up by calling him angry and pointing out that he was not smiling. It was made better when Chad said, "hope you're ok". John Boehner however was ok and tweeted him the next morning. The conversation ended abruptly when Chad told John Boehner, if all else fails, I love you.

Tim Tebow Reaches Beyond Sports, again

Tim Tebow is iconic. He is transcendent. His influence stretches far beyond the gridiron field. But, much of what makes Tebow iconic makes him polarizing. Unfortunately, though, much of the transcendental nature of Tim Tebow is because people attach a great number of things to him unfairly and without warrant. We have the latest of such examples today from the Washington Post.

Tim Tebow, like a good chunk of Evangelical Christians, was homeschooled throughout high school. But, a Floridian law was passed to allow for homeschooled children to play for local public or private schools. This was presumably not done for Tim Tebow alone, but for the many parents of children who pay taxes that support public schools but don't receive any benefit from them. Now a series of laws is coming up in Virginia to allow this to happen and because Tebow was homeschooled, his name naturally and without any consideration of the personhood of Tim Tebow, only his transcendental image, gets attached the Virginia document.

Proponents of the change in the law argue that taxpaying citizens should receive the same treatments across the board. Those against it argue that homeschool children do not meet all of the criteria to play sports in a public school. But, the Republicans of Virginia have enough power to push it through. In a very surprising way, an association that represents teachers is opposing the Republican measure. This is surprising because teacher's unions almost never disagree with Republican policy making.

For our part, there is no right to play sports. However, the idea that homeschool children should be excluded from a function because of the choice of their parents seems wrong and unfair. The argument that it will allow coaches to pick and choose the best players from the state is one that doesn't hold much water because this could be enforced easily enough if school administrators actually did something other than ferociously guard their pensions. At the end of the day this shouldn't be a political matter or a matter for schools whatsoever. If sports were detached from education then we wouldn't have this issue. But then what would ex-jocks do to relive their glory days if there were no such things as Gym Teachers/Football coaches.

South Carolina Primary Results and what it means

South Carolina has spoken and they have said that they want the family values guy Newt Gingrich rather than the Moderate fiscal conservative Mitt Romney. Newt Gingrich was followed by Mitt Romney, then Rick Santorum and then Ron Paul. We're not too huge on percentages, but if that's your thing you can find them here, and only here. They exist nowhere else on the Internet.

So what has South Carolina's victory for Newt Gingrich told us? This is the part of the post where we move from a peculiar particular to a sweeping generalization, otherwise known as inductive reasoning. As the conclusion is not explicitly contained within the premises there will be a margin of error for the conclusion that we draw here. We believe that margin of error to be so very small we shan't produce a number. But you could say that the prediction we are about to present is about as likely Jim Harbaugh benching Alex Smith after they fall behind by 20 in the game against the Giants because he realized suddenly that he can still be the comeback kid. Miraculously, he will have success; but, in shades of the nightmare in Indianapolis, the hail mary to win the game will be called an incomplete pass. In other words our prediction is inevitable.

So what does the Gingrich victory in South Carolina mean? First and foremost, it means that the person at Moveon.org that paid Marianne Gingrich to drop her bomb shell at the opportune time wasted his money. When John Blades and Wes Boyd realize their coffers had been pilfered for this ineffective strategy they fire the individual responsible. He or she ends up going to work for Julian Assange, together they release a whole bunch of private documents that brings down the Sarkozy government in France, paving the way for one of our 2012 Sensational Shapers to take power.

Seeing the handwriting on the wall, Rick Santorum will leave the race and back Newt Gingrich. Gingrich will invite Santorum to become part of his incredibly efficient campaign. This move will backfire and Santorum will become so disillusioned with Gingrich's standard of family values that Santorum will head home to Pennsylvania and set up a consulting firm. Everyone will despair and call his innocent little project an evil lobbying firm. In further despair he will turn to iron working as a hobby. He will go on to weld the crack in the liberty bell.

Mitt will magnanimously soldier on to trade blows with Gingrich state by state. The race will go down to the wire and as the delegates come to the GOP convention contentious and rowdy rallies will cause riots all over Tampa. Ron Paul will finally voice that he is fed up and announce that he will run as an independent. This will cause everyone to come to their senses and sit down to sing kumbaya. Out of this little pow-wow a chant will arise. The groanings will be come louder and more discernible. "We want Huckabee, We want Huckabee, We want Huckabee". Dumbfounded, Mitt will leave the conference by private jet to fly out to his mansion in Côte d'Azur. Newt Gingrich will go to the nearest Tiffany's, buy it out and pass out jewelry to young and attractive females in a totally unselfish way not expecting any type of return. Mike Huckabee will have been elected by adoration.

In the general election Mike Huckabee will be close to defeating President Obama, but Ron Paul will prove to be the reincarnation of Ross Perot. He'll pop on the TV with a powerpoint and drive a wedge in the conservative vote, handing the election to President Obama on a silver platter.

So there you have it. The Gingrich victory in South Carolina means that France will elect Marine le Pen, Rick Santorum will fix the crack in the liberty bell, Mike Huckabee will become the Republican Nominee and Ron Paul will grow larger ears and lampoon Huckabee's chances.

More Football Picks

Baltimore vs. New England

The bells of Boston will ring, not in celebration but in a dirge. The Harbaugh effect will be in full force today. The defense will silence Brady and yet, it will be a close game. In the end the the Ravens will win. Baltimore will celebrate the fall of Boston for the first time since their prodigal son Babe Ruth struck out for the Braves prior to their move to Milwaukee. It's been so long that the Braves have moved from Boston to Milwaukee and Milwaukee to Atlanta. Ted Turner however will run reruns of Family Matters against the game. Victory, Baltimore.

New York vs. San Francisco

Only one Harbaugh will taste victory. Unfortunately for San Francisco it shan't be theirs. The Rubicon has been crossed and in the sickening reality of sports will play out. The younger brother shall pass his elder. The better will be eclipsed by the mediocre. In the end the walls of Constantinople will fall. Victory, Giants.

Texas welcomes You to see Yu Darvish

In a continuation of the globalization of sport, Yu Darvish, a star of Japanese Baseball has signed with the Rangers for the 2012 season. The Rangers had been reeling with the losses of Cliff Lee and C.J. Wilson. Many were wondering if the Rangers could maintain pace and win another pennant and maybe make it over the hump and win the series. If Darvish turns out to be able to justify his $60 million dollar contract the Rangers could push again for the pinnacle of baseball.

Darvish has a good fastball and is a lot more animated than most Japanese players. He is more Lexus than Toyota. His flash and panache should translate well in the MLB. THe Hokkaido Nippon Ham Fighters received over $50 million in compensation just for the privilege of talking from the Rangers. While that is a good chunk of change, we doubt if they can persuade someone from American to come to Japan to play with that amount of money. C.J. Wilson won't be joining their ranks any time soon.

Hokkaido has a partnership with MLB's Arizona Diamondbacks, who were not in the running for Darvish. The Diamondbacks will have to deal with the retirement of Craig Counsell this year and will look to replace his odd batting stance this year. We here at the Leibnizian Ramblings suggest looking at retired players to come in and make a splash. Here are our top five batting stance replacement recommendations:

1. Mickey Tettleton - laissez faire stance

2. Alvaro Espinoza - hands too far apart stance

3. Dwight Evans - knees a'knockin' stance

4. Phil Plantier - lazy sitting down stance

5. Julio Franco - crazy bat forward, can still play in his eighties stance

If you want to be happy, move to Fiji

In Fiji there has been a report that has shown that Fiji is the happiest nation in the world. Of course this comes from a Fiji based website an it could be construed as propaganda. Also the study shows that Nigeria came in second. Considering all of the protesting in Nigeria recently over the loss of their oil subsidy, the criteria of this scientific poll might be able to be called into question.

Another issue with the scientific nature of this poll might be the lack of questioning of Fiji's most famous golfer, Vijay Singh. Singh is not among the 89% that are happy at this moment. He's the exact opposite of happy and taking it out on Rory Sabbatini's caddy. Granted the caddy walked over Singh's putt line, but still, man he was mean. It could have been worse; it could have been Annika Sörenstam stomping all over the green before the putt. Then Singh would have unleashed some cursing that involved sexism as well as berating a person whose profession is basically akin to being a golfer's butler.

Cosmonauts eat Reuben Sandwich, MF Global meltdown

Saxony Line I-XVI

The Saxony Line stops for nothing, except the philosopher's frolic and jaunt to the beach. For that, all thought can desist. Last time though we were having a look at the Denmark presidency over the EU and the sadness that the green agenda faced. We also talked about the Southern Europeans possible appropriation of Danish things. We mentioned in it Ivar the Boneless but we can't do a follow up today because of Wikipedia's protests. How could I ever give a quality post without Wikipedia?

So we'll have to make due with some semi-factual thought train beginning smørrebrød. I could go for a delicious smørrebrød because of the rye bread. Mishkin's is purporting to offer the best way to make Reuben sandwiches but Meg Ryan and I both agree that the only true best of all possible ways of making a Reuben is to walk into Katz and drop $16.55 on the counter while being crushed by the line behind. Katz's Deli has been known to bring together some fierce rivals, especially in the face of MF Globals meltdown. Speaking of meltdowns, did you see Marcos Baghdatis' treatment of his poor rackets the other day? I haven't seen a meltdown like that since Gherman Titov's ship came swirling back from space.

So there you have it, from smørrebrød to cosmonauts in seven precise and logical steps, Without the aid of Wikipedia.

Terrell Suggs is a kitten. Leibniz stays mediocre in NFL pics

In the first round we went 2-2, picking the big upset of the Steelers by Denver. We were all puffed up like we were better than our record indicated. Today we are a little bit humbler as our second round picks mirrored our performance in round 1. It is possible that your resident philosopher of note is nothing more than a mediocre bookie. We stand now for the playoffs at 4-4.

In the AFC we got the picks both right. But, in the Baltimore vs. Houston game we said that Terrell Suggs would do something so nasty that only native Bawlmerese dialect could describe it correctly. However, the true roughness came from the other side. J.J Watt and Brooks Reed were simply the meanest people on the field. Without disparaging T.J. Yates at all, if Suggs and Co. had shown up in their kitty cat suits against Matt Schaub it would have been a different scoreline. So, in the end we got the win right, but Terrell Suggs was not just plain mean as we thought he would have been. Tom Brady on the other hand did swear profusely. In fact as he is brushing his teeth at this moment he is saying naughty things to himself in the mirror. He just can't help it.

But in our NFC picks we were crushed. Le Régent came up to the vaunted walls of Constantinople without a speck of fear in his eyes. He marched to the weakness that is the gate of Kerkoporta. Upon entering he found himself trapped. Though Le Régent took many with him, his fall was our shame. We had figured Le Régent to be the crowned one at the end of the day. (That was our wrong pick of New Orleans over San Francisco if you are not a regular follower of our imaginative picking schemes). But our biggest humiliation came in the Packers v. Giants game. We thought that the Pack would take New York and grind him up into some kind of meat ball that we could throw Wisconsin Cheese on top and eat for our post-game celebration. There was no sandwich, no cheese curds and no post-game celebration. Eli Manning rained down fire and brimstone on the Cheeseheads, or maybe it was just Hail.

And now, Round 2 AFC playoff picks

We picked the NFC 2nd Round ties already. Here are the AFC picks.

Houston vs. Baltimore

Here's a fascinating piece of Football history. There used to be a team called the Texans that hailed from Dallas. The year was 1951 and football was popular in the Lone Star state. So the football fanatic and wealthy Texan decided to buy the troubled franchise called the New York Yanks. The Texans were born into promise. Texas loved themselves some college football. The new Dallas Texans played in the legendary Cotton Bowl for home games. It all started off so well, in their first game they scored the first touchdown against the New York Giants. After that, the Texans went on to lose every game they played in except for one, when a cocky Bears coach George Halas decided to play his second string team against the lowly Texans. The fan support got so bad for the Texans the team had to be given back to the NFL so that the players could be paid. For their last two games the Texans were a barnstorming team. At the end of the 1951-52 season a group of investors from Baltimore bought the battered pieces and turned it and other bits into the Baltimore Colts. The only question I have now is, who will buy the battered Texans this time around? Baltimore wins in a tough, physical match-up. Terrell Suggs does something truly mean, like hittin an old lady down to the pavement in front of the police. Everybody that pronounces the 't' in Baltimore ends up hating him. Bawlmer loves 'em. Thanks for the win hon.

New England vs. Denver

In 1960, the Denver Broncos purchased uniforms that were used and distributed them to players. That's a mock up of them up there. Stylistically, Tebow plays like he could run over the monsters who played the game as it was supposed to be, as men. Tebow would look pretty good in the gold and brown smashing through some silver, red and blue. Unfortunately though, it seems to be the end of the road for the 2011-2012 Tebow phenomena. New England will win in a close one. Before haters spew though let's remember that Elway lost in the divisionals in 1984, lost the Superbowl in 86-87 and again in crushing fashion in 87-88 and even worse in 89-90, in the conference championship in 91-92, the wildcard round in 93-94, the divisionals again in 96-97, before finally winning it all in 97-98 and 98-99. In total Elway had a playoff record of 14-7, but it took him until his 15th year to win the big one. We needn't compare Tebow to Elway or even be 15 seasons worth of patient with Tebow. But to get on him for losing to a very talented New England team this year is enough to make anyone mad, including Gino Cappelletti up there looking to put a boot into anyone that gets on the anti-Tebow wagon because of the outcome of this game. New England wins and Brady says some dirty words that the cameras are too slow to pull away from. It could happen when Tom does something well. It could happen when Tom does something poor. It could happen when a butterfly spreads its wings for the first time and has no correlation to the game. The dude curses like a sailor.

Round two NFL playoffs & the philosopher's NFC picks

So we posted our predictions of Round 1 and went 2-2. However, our big pick of the Broncos riding high and stampeding the Steelers came true with a pass from Mr. Tim Tebow. So, while we are a .500 team right now, we're a cagey and better than our record shows. Moral victory.

New Orleans vs. San Francisco

Who dat? Le Régent has come a calling. San Francisco may have arguably the best defense in the playoffs. Sorry Baltimore, but while you may have won the Harbaugh bowl, the Niners are just plain nasty. The defensive walls of San Francisco are akin to the Walls of Constantinople. Monstrous. Impenetrable. Impervious to all. For a thousand years they can stand and mock the Varangian, Kievan Rus, Arabs, Avars, Slavs and Persians. But le Régent is nigh in the form of Drew Brees. His arm is the Ottoman Canons. Down goes the Golden Gate. The walls of Constantine are lost. The Theodosian walls are blown to bits. Who has left open the Kerkoporta Mr. Doukas? Who would do such a thing? New Orleans posts huge numbers and crushes the Niners.

New York vs. Green Bay

Have you ever read Upton Sinclair's book The Jungle. It was about the abuses that the meat-packing industry was foisting on people's heads. It was stark. It was ugly. It was brutal. In the end everyone got upset about the conclusion and made a whole bunch of noise. It's going to be similar when New York comes to town. The difference between the two teams will be stark. It is going to be ugly. It will certainly be brutal. There will be an uproar from Lambeau and everyone become very loud. No one will be upset. Except for the Giants who were just crushed under the weight of inevitability. Green Bay grinds up New York

The Danger of Pancakes

Saxony Line I-XIV

Last time on our trek through this delightful little mind game of the Saxony Line we practice the long forgotten skill of mnemotechnics as we cantered through the year that was in 1917. The Saxony Line XIII was also the first time that anybody commented on Lebnizian Ramblings. Thank you very much Glenn for your support! But on our little stroll through the archives we touched on a number of topics. We shan't retell them all here so go ahead and click to be transported back to a time when Livery Stable Blues was bumping on the phonographs and the Danish West Indies only cost a cool $25 million dollars.

While we won't recall and thus bore you, with all the details of our 1917 post we will remind you that 1917 witnessed the birth of the NHL. Today in the NHL comes a story of delicious proportions. For full disclosure purposes I don't particularly enjoy pancakes. They are too thick. I'm not anti-pancake, I simply prefer the Swedish kind or possibly crepes topped with lingonberries. It's something about the thinness of the breakfast delicacy that lulls me into a false sense of security. The thickness of American pancakes is overwhelming to me. But let us not chase this rabbit to deep into that hole.

Dustin Penner, a Left Winger currently playing for the Los Angeles Kings has had a solid career since breaking into the league with Anaheim in 2005. He scores enough goals and he's won a Stanley Cup. His biggest problems have all centered around his weight. In 2008 while playing for Edmonton he was criticized by his coach Craig MacTavish after Penner sat out two games in a row for not being physically fit enough to play. So, Dustin has a bit of a weight problem. He enjoys eating, especially apparently, pancakes. Most people, your humble philosopher of note aside, like eating pancakes. The problem was when Penner sat down to a stack of the syrupy hotcakes the other day his back seized up and spasmed. He had to miss a game on account of the pancakes.

I know there has been a lot of sympathy and scorn surrounding this situation and the Leibnizian Ramblings maintains impartiality in our quest to simply inform so we will not wade into the waters of judgment on this occasion. We pride ourselves on our impartiality and would never do anything to jeopardize that vaunted status in our own mind. But, it may be in our interest to inform Dustin that it is possible to enjoy pancakes without the danger of throwing one's back out. As we mentioned earlier in this post the problem with pancakes is that they are simply so heavy.

If Dustin wishes to continue to enjoy pancakes without the possibility of a humiliating injury it might be advisable to switch to a lighter version of the breakfast dainty. While not everyone will enjoy the tartness of lingonberry on Swedish pancakes, we think that even the most diehard pancake fan will enjoy the skinnier versions. Maybe he should try palacinky, naleśniki or pannenkoek, all of which are significantly less girth than your average American or Scottish flapjack. But, Gottfried you may ask us, will this skinny pancakes be less filling? Don't the rigors of a North American classic sport like Hockey demand a heartier pancake? Well, the Swedes play a pretty mean puck too don't ya know? The Tre Kronor have gotten themselves a couple of those gold medals in recent olympics. That isn't all that bad eh? They eat skinny pancakes. But their strength might actually be from the lingonberries.

National Championship, a bore beyond belief

So the National Championship is over. Alabama has defeated LSU 21-0. The game however was, in the most nicest of terms, boring as can be. From a Tigers stand point it was like watching global warning. You know something is going wrong but basically you're powerless to stop it. You die by the slowest of degrees.

From an Alabama stand point it was like rooting for the snow over the grass in winter. The snow comes down, gets ugly from the street cars and all the dirt that gets mixed in but inevitably, the snow will eventually blanket the lawn. And the snow will be victorious. Ugly, but victorious.

Day 2 NFL Playoffs

On Day 1, Ol' Leibniz went 1-1 on his predictions.

On Day 2, Leibniz went 1-1 again. But, we were better because of the nature of our picks.

First, the wrong. We thought Atlanta would edge out New York because of the king's tendencies to abdicate at the first sign of trouble. But, Atlanta proved to be a poor reflection of William of Orange. Maybe it was the stinginess of the Dutch that held them back from splashing out on offense. Maybe it was that they thought the glorious revolution, a bloodless coup, could happen again. But, lightning never strikes the same place twice. Atlanta got crushed and couldn't score at all.

But, our shortcomings were dramatically overcome by our picking of Saint Tebow and the Broncos over the Steelers. Don't believe me, click here. Check the date. It says January 4, 2011. We were right. Na na ne boo boo. You know the rest. There were daggers in those smiles. Daggers like the one thrown by Tim Tebow in overtime. And now we are left with a topsy turvy playoff picture. Can we believe? Is it safe? Let us pick Tebow all the way? Or have we eaten on the insane root, that takes the reason prisoner?

Day 1 NFL Playoffs, Leibniz stands 1-1

We picked the NFL Playoffs Round 1 a few days ago. With results from yesterday we should check how we did.

We backed Cincinnati to break Houston with a late surge in the fourth quarter. We were completely wrong. Houston had Cincinnatus surrounded and the old general did not come out of retirement to save the city in the second half. Our bad.

However, we did say that le Régent would smash the other French team. Le Régent proved our genius as they continued the merciless slaughter of Detroit. Who dat?

So after Day 1 our picks put us at a 50%

Norv Turner may be a zombie

At 8-8, another missed playoffs and general frustration with the consistent underperforming it was obvious that Norv Turner was toast at the end of the season. However, Chargers president Dean Spanos has retained the services of old Norv for at least another year. You simply just cannot kill Norv Turner leaving us with only a few scenarios.

First, Spanos can't fire Norv Turner because Norv has got something on him. Obviously Norv Turner has figured out that Spanos has gotten tied up with the resurgent Philadelphia Greek Mob. While the mob was big in the 1980's it has recently been pretty dormant. Extortion in Greece had been cornered by the government already, but new markets are opening up with all the money flooding into Greece. This may not be the most likely scenario, but it is still possible.

Second, Norv Turner can't be terminated because he has already been fired and simply refuses to go. Maybe Dean Spanos called Norv into the office last week and said you're fired. Norv the replied with, "ok, but I'm not leaving". What could Dean have done then? The shock of being told that his firing of Norv was a failure and caused Dean to announce the exact opposite that Norv would be sticking around for at least another year. This is more likely than the Philadelphia Greek Mob connection.

Third and most probably, Norv Turner can't be killed because he's already undead. Norv is a zombie hell bent on mediocrity. He lays in waiting for the first few weeks of the season allowing himself to be battered into a cognitively gelatinous state and then feasts on flesh in December and January. This scary scenario makes the most sense. You heard it here first. Norv Turner is a zombie.

NFL Playoffs Round 1

AFC Round 1

Cincinnati vs. Houston

Cincinnati will come out strong and dominate in a dictatorial way. But Houston, just like their namesake, will wrap up the bandage and keep on fighting. Cincinnati will resign after this and Houston will go on the offensive. As the fourth quarter dawns and it looks as though Houston will have Cincinnatus surrounded, he will come forth out of his resignation and lead the Bengals to a final charge. Victory Cinncy!

Denver vs. Pittsburg

Pittsburg will play as their namesake played. William Pitt's single mindedness and determination drove the English on to victory over France in the Seven Year's War. But Denver, yes Denver, named after the Kansas Territorial Governor James W. Denver will provide some theatrics. In addition to his duties as Governor Mr. Denver was an actor and loved to play in Macbeth. Alas, there shall be some regicide and the kings of the AFC will notice that there's daggers in men's smiles. As if that wasn't enough evidence to proffer this presumption, William Pitt had a longstanding rival named the Lord Holland. His friends and mum called him Henry Fox. I'm pretty sure if we look closely enough at the genealogical records we shall discover that Broncos Head Coach John Fox is his heir. Victory for the Broncos.

NFC Round 1

Detroit vs. New Orleans

It is only fitting that these two former Francophones meet up in the playoffs. The firepower of the rum-running Lions will come out early and often. But even the likes of the Sugar House Gang could not stop the massacre that will come. Philippe II, the Duke of Orleans would be proud of his namesake. The Lions defense will be skewered as efficiently as Philippe skewered the House of Orange at the Battle of Steenkerque. In the end le Régent will prove too powerful for the overmatched Lions. Victory, New Orleans.

Atlanta vs. New York Giants

The Duke of York, James II has got quite a feat to accomplish if he hopes to overcome the Grecian heroine's namesake. Like Atalanta, the Falcons will run quickly and be as ferocious as the boars they hunt. William Thomas Romanowski would be proud. But the Duke is steadfast. He would never run at the first sign of trouble. Oh wait, there he goes. He has abdicated and the glorious revolution has begun. Victory Atlanta.

Sheikh Mansour, Jerry Jones and a rough week for Tampa

Hanover Line I-XI

Last time on this bullet train that is the Hanover line we did a whistlestop tour of the Iowa Caucuses preview. See what I did there? Train, whistlestop, the Pauls did a self-titled whistlestop yesterday in Iowa... I'm proud of the quip. We also mentioned the Republican Convention, which is being held in Tampa this year. It got us thinking about Tampa. It's been a rough week for Tampa in the sport department

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers fired their head coach Raheem Morris this week after going 17-31 over the past three years. Even some of the players mentioned that it wasn't all the coaches fault. We shouldn't expect a Jim Harbaugh to come in and completely revitalize the program. It's going to be a rough ride for awhile. The Rays star Evan Longoria has had to fight off twitter rumors that he wants out or is otherwise disgruntled. The one bright spot in Tampa sports is that the Lightning have been on a three game winning streak, putting them back at .500 for the season. Thanks to the Lightning's mediocracy, Tampa is not all bad this week in the sports world.

On a tangentially related note, the Glazer family, who owns the Buccaneers have announced that money will not be an issue in looking for a new coach. Alex Ferguson may however cautiously remind us that the Glazers are not Sheikh Mansour and his entourage. In gridiron terms, Glazer ain't Jerry Jones, who might be looking for a coach soon too.

Mandatory comment on Tebow

As the year comes to an end I think it is compulsory for everyone to make some kind of comment on the phenomena that is Tim Tebow. I would rather resist this, as I think the compelling aspects of the story are being choked out because of the hype that swirls around him. He's done a very good job given the circumstances. As we come to the end of the year however I have found an interesting anecdote to the saga. Thanks to ThePostGame for the news.

The now famous Play Tebow billboard has continued to generate buzz, long after it had succeeded in what it wanted to do. The most interesting point that the story makes is about the fines. But, before we get to that I want to take a moment to criticize the religious controversy that the author looked to stir up. Apparently, the billboard was put up by three brothers who happen to be Muslim. Obviously, Tim Tebow is an outspoken born-again Christian. This non-story is simply just being churned out to generate more hype and negative publicity for the Christian aspect of Tim Tebow. I'm not for compartmentalizing one's life and if you are a born-again Christian, Tebow sets a good example by neither shoving his faith down the throats of others nor hiding his relationship with God. But, what makes this a compelling football story is the Tebow vs. Orton element.

Apparently the players on the Broncos began to fine Tebow when the billboard went up for not publicly denouncing it. Orton was among the players initiating the fine. When Tebow ended up starting over Orton it nullified the fine. Tebow has done well enough to put his team in a playoff race. Orton was then released to be picked up by the Chiefs. Now, the Broncos play the Chiefs in the final game of the season. If the Broncos win, they make the playoffs. If the Chiefs win, Orton collects a little bit of that fine he's owed.

Kid Coolout and the protests that matter

Hanover Line I-III

Last time we talked about protests and tax loopholes in the wunderbar Hanover Line of thought. Today we continue that line of thinking with protests, leaving taxes aside for more studious times. In terms of protesting we have a lot going on in the world today. People are protesting all over the Middle East for better lives and losing their own in the process. Syria is the latest in the Arab Spring to see violent clashes. The Occupy movement, though seemingly losing steam still exists as the 99% battle against the 1% to claim wealth in the land of plenty. Russians are protesting rigged elections. The military junta in Burma still has to deal with dissidents and China have all sorts of protestors trying to shake hands with the likes of subversives like Christian Bale. But this protestor is my favorite of the week.

Micky Arison, the owner of the NBA's Miami Heat cast a protest vote against the collective bargaining agreement recently agreed upon to stop the NBA lockout because he felt that having to share revenue with big market clubs is unseemly. Forgive my crudeness on this assessment, but I find this to be a little interesting. It was his purchasing power that sort of started the whole mess in the first place. While there are admittedly all kinds of equity issues raised in revenue sharing among professional sports it was his creation of a superteam that sent the NBA into a sort of frenzy that culminated in a lockout. Of course greed on both sides can be condemned with good conscious, but it is downright laughable that the guy who brought together LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh and Norris Cole's House Partyesque hair cut together is complaining about the CBA. His poaching of James and Bosh from small markets (Cleveland and Toronto respectively) with the acquisition of iconic hairdos from the early nineties shows that he and his team are among the major markets. Plus, Miami is the eighth most populated county in the US. How is this a small market?

Whatever, I'm just happy that Kid Coolout has a voice in the world of sports again.