So we haven't quite set the world on fire with our quickening pace of sensational shapers. So far we've only done half. We covered Uniqlo, Culture Club, Xi Jinping, Marine Le Pen and the opponents of Hugo Chavez. How many other philosophers of note do you know that are capable of squeezing Japanese hipsters, washed up New Wavers, Repressive Masters in Waiting, Xenophobia and the hope for Capitalism in Venezuela into a single coherent sentence? That's what we thought.
So we move on to our sixth Sensational Shaper of 2012 to find another tandem. We understand that most of you probably clicked on the link because of the name and expected to read about some plumbers who warp through green tubes to save princesses whilst jumping on villainous mushrooms' noggins. It's called a bait and switch. We apologize for it, but let's face it we're a struggling freelance philosopher. Unlike Mel Brooks who was a standup philosopher and could collect unemployment when he attempted unsuccessfully to bullshit, we get nothing if we don't get visitors. Please tell your friends, we are very hungry!
The Mario Brothers that we're talking are important and will undoubtedly be shaping 2012 the globe over by attempting to pull Europe out of the sewers. Mario Monti, the Prime Minister of Italy and Mario Draghi, the President of the European Central Bank will have to do battle with much more dastardly demons than Magikoopas and Shy Guys. However, they will be in a consistent rescue mode because like Princess Daisy, every time Greece is saved, Europe has to turn around and save her again in the next level.
Let's start with Mario Monti because he is older. Mario Monti succeeded Silvio Berlusconi and his bunga-bunga nightmare of fiscal and other types of irresponsibility. His coming to power happened at an incredible perilous time for Italy. Italy, Europe's fourth largest economy seems poised to come crashing down with a force that would rival a throw of Donkey Kong's barrels on Mario's skull. The result would be a resounding game over. Mr. Monti though is everything that his predecessor was not. Mario attends parties like the Friends of Europe, Bruegel, and Trilateral Commission, three respectable think tanks that presumably do not have underage Moroccan girls that go by the stage name Ruby present. He is a Yale-trained Economics guy who has operated a technocratic government in Italy since November of 2011 working to implement austerity measures and hopefully liberalize some of Italy's stagnating economy. But, there is a downside to not being Berlusconi. The charisma and charm and unflappable nature of Berlusconi in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds is something that Mario Monti simply does not have. As Italians will undoubtedly feel the pressures of Mr Monti's austerity measures the question posed is, does Mario have the ability to hold together a country that sometimes wishes it was not a unified entity.
Mario Monti has a difficult job dealing with internal collapse and pressure from the European Union to ensure that it doesn't fold over like a piece of pizza right before we take a big bite. But, Mario Draghi has an even less enviable position to fill. Mario Draghi's rise to the head of the ECB was not one without controversy. France liked him and then didn't and then did again. Germany was against him, but when the German frontrunner Alex Weber said he didn't want to do the job Germany announced that they were behind Draghi because he was the most German of all the remaining candidates. It is an interesting turn of events where Romans are proud to be German-like. Octavian would be disgusted. But the reason that Mr Draghi has the more difficult job is that even if Mario Monti can get a handle on Italy's finances, Mr Draghi has to play a juggling match between rising Euro skeptics in national politics and the need to keep the Euro zone from collapsing that would be disastrous for the world at large. Ireland, Portugal, Spain and the perennial favorites to default, Greece still threaten to pull the whole apparatus down. Britain is upset with the Euro zone over French and German collusion to freeze London out. Hungarians might be breaking the Euro treaty with their increasing authoritarian stance. Russia is encroaching on European states that would otherwise turn to the Euro for assistance. The question is will Mario Draghi be able to navigate 8 levels of problems? Will he be able to find a magic whistle or two to skip some of the more difficult stages?
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