1300 years of Bulgaria in Шумен, Šumen, or Shumen

Шумен, Šumen or otherwise known as Shumen is the tenth largest city in Bulgaria. We only mention this because we are in the habit of rehashing old posts, we mean clarifying things we said in older posts. All of our posts are credible and new material and we would never pander to our most popular posts to drive revenues, we mean readership. But alas, we mentioned the statue of 1300 years of Bulgaria and its cubism structure in a post about a little known American-German artist named Lyonel Feininger.

We mentioned the statue because it is what we think of ourselves. But, in reality it is a long tradition of Bulgarian art, see from the Icon of St. Theodor there in the picture that cubism has existed for much longer than we thought in Bulgaria. Never mind that the depreciation of the work of art is largely responsible for the squarish patterns on the parchment. We shall give credit to Bulgaria to being a precursor to cubism.

The monument was built in 1981 to commemorate the 1300 years of time passage since the formation of the first Bulgarian Empire. This empire was founded when the Bulgars, a Turkic and Scythian people group teamed up with seven South Slavic tribes. They became a force to reckon with and crushed their way into Pannonia, battle against the Arabs in defense of Constantinople and then had their own successes against the power of the city of Constantine. At the height of their power they possessed lands in Balkans and into northern Greece, parts of modern day Turkey and northern lands into Hungary and of course, Bulgaria.

The Golden age was during the reign of Simeon the Great (893 - 927 A.D.). Simeon went to war with and defeated powerful groups like the Serbs, the Magyars and the might of Constantinople. While the Christianization of Bulgaria had taken place earlier, under Simeon many Christian works were copied into Slavic languages, paving the way for the Christianization of Eastern Europe. Simeon the Great has been compared to Charlemagne, the French Historian Alfred Nicolas Rambaud wrote, "Simeon was the Bulgarian Charlemagne, but he was better educated than our Charles the Great and much greater than him".

Sadly after Simeon passed away the power of Bulgaria waned and a resurgent and rather put out Constantinople pushed back. The complete fall of the First Empire of Bulgaria occurred when the Byzantine Empire defeated the Bulgarians at the Battle of Kleidion in 1014. Basil II or Basil Bulgaroktonos (Bulgar killer in Greek) line the Bulgarian army in rows of 100. He killed 99 of the Bulgarians and blinded the eye of the remaining 1. Upon seeing the decimation of his army, the last ruler of the first Empire of Bulgaria, Samuil had a heart attack and died.

So, why was the statue placed in the city Shumen? Shumen was the capital of Simeon the Great's Bulgaria. It was eventually taken by the Ottoman Turks and was a minor city for nearly 400 years. Then the Russians tried to wrest it from the hands of the Ottomans three times, all unsuccessfully. Then in the early 19th century Shumen became a place for Bulgarian nationalistic tendencies. At the end of the 19th century Shumen fell to Russia and became a part of the Principality of Bulgaria, which would become the Kingdom of Bulgaria, which would become the People's Republic of Bulgaria, and then finally, the modern Republic of Bulgaria.

The Monument of 1300 Years of Bulgaria is a huge artistic achievement. It is also the only statue to tell the entire history of a nation from its founding to the present day. Obviously, Mount Rushmore is entirely lacking when put into context.

An Obligatory post on the State of the Union

At one point in his speech President Obama said, “Most Americans are thinking the same thing right now: Nothing will get done this year.” One thing that certainly shall not come to pass this year is President Obama's sweeping tax reforms.

President Obama kept harping on fairness and greater income equality. This was largely rebuffed by Republicans as wealth redistribution. Regardless of the merits of the arguments or counter arguments it points to the fact that the American government is still deeply divided over taxes. Considering that America was largely founded because of not wanting to pay taxes this should hardly be surprising.

Let's face the facts. Nobody likes to pay taxes. When tax season comes around it is generally a depressing time. More so for those who make the most money because they have to pay the most. We aren't talking about percentages here. 10% of of $25,000 is $2500 and a burden to those who make so little. But 10% of $2,500,000 amounts to people having to write a check for $250,000 dollars and regardless of how much you make that hurts to write. We know. We've seen pictures on Flickr.

Given this revelation that we've just dropped on you, we figure we ought to look at what $250,000 dollars could buy if it weren't wasted in paying taxes to a government that will argue over how to spend it to the point that the money will inevitably end up as salary for some bureaucrat somewhere, probably in China. I learned that from Glenn Beck's monumental work entitled Scare Tactics 101.

$250,000 can buy you the steering wheel and gearshift of a Bugatti Veyron.

$250,000 could buy you an experience in which you give out hundred pound notes to the homeless in Manchester with Mario Balotelli. In other Italian news it could buy you twenty minutes at one of Silvio Berlusconi's parties.

$250,000 could buy you 25 or more houses in Detroit, though the property taxes would be prohibitive.

$250,000 could buy you one thousand shares (give or take) of National Bank of Greece. If Europe can satisfactorily avoid a Greek default this investment could make you a millionaire many times over. If not, you could use the shares as wallpaper for your 25 Detroit houses.

$250,000 could be spent in record time by Terrell Owens. It would make your head spin to see him rifle through the cash.

If you and 19 of your friends got together you could bet against Birdman's $5,000,000 bet on the Patriots to win the Superbowl. My gosh that is a gambling problem....

Or, if you are like me, you could purchase 125,000 copies of the Kindle version of the Monadology by your philosopher of note.

It seems as though we must wear the hair shirt tonight....

Thank you Najm Hichri!

Saxony Line I-XIX

Last time we discovered that Starbucks was going to serve alcohol at a few select stores. This was so popular that we received a "like" on our Facebook post! We would like to personally thank Najm Hichri for liking our post. It is much appreciated. Since it was a liked post we thought we would continue to explore what the alcohol and Starbucks coffee mixture would bring to the world.

Bob in anticipation posted that he hopes that the alcohol will be served near him.

The Swedes and the Irish have long been known to mix coffee and alcohol to good effect.

The Swedes introduced coffee to vodka in the most basic and excellent of recipes I have ever seen back in 1795. It read like this "Put a coin in a cup. Pour on coffee till you can no longer see the coin. Pour on vodka till you can see the coin again.” Considering that the Swedes were slowly getting the snot kicked out of them by the upstart Russian Tsars in the late 18th century it is no surprise that they turned to drinking Vodka with their coffee. That way they could have a pick me up as they were getting knocked down.

The Irish though are the true connoisseurs of alcoholic coffee. January 25th is National Irish Coffee day. So to celebrate I will be combining coffee, whiskey and cream to commiserate with the Irish in their times of austerity. Afterwards I will throw back a pint of Guinness and take in a hurling match.

Sensational Shapers 2012 - Super Mario Bros.

So we haven't quite set the world on fire with our quickening pace of sensational shapers. So far we've only done half. We covered Uniqlo, Culture Club, Xi Jinping, Marine Le Pen and the opponents of Hugo Chavez. How many other philosophers of note do you know that are capable of squeezing Japanese hipsters, washed up New Wavers, Repressive Masters in Waiting, Xenophobia and the hope for Capitalism in Venezuela into a single coherent sentence? That's what we thought.

So we move on to our sixth Sensational Shaper of 2012 to find another tandem. We understand that most of you probably clicked on the link because of the name and expected to read about some plumbers who warp through green tubes to save princesses whilst jumping on villainous mushrooms' noggins. It's called a bait and switch. We apologize for it, but let's face it we're a struggling freelance philosopher. Unlike Mel Brooks who was a standup philosopher and could collect unemployment when he attempted unsuccessfully to bullshit, we get nothing if we don't get visitors. Please tell your friends, we are very hungry!

The Mario Brothers that we're talking are important and will undoubtedly be shaping 2012 the globe over by attempting to pull Europe out of the sewers. Mario Monti, the Prime Minister of Italy and Mario Draghi, the President of the European Central Bank will have to do battle with much more dastardly demons than Magikoopas and Shy Guys. However, they will be in a consistent rescue mode because like Princess Daisy, every time Greece is saved, Europe has to turn around and save her again in the next level.

Let's start with Mario Monti because he is older. Mario Monti succeeded Silvio Berlusconi and his bunga-bunga nightmare of fiscal and other types of irresponsibility. His coming to power happened at an incredible perilous time for Italy. Italy, Europe's fourth largest economy seems poised to come crashing down with a force that would rival a throw of Donkey Kong's barrels on Mario's skull. The result would be a resounding game over. Mr. Monti though is everything that his predecessor was not. Mario attends parties like the Friends of Europe, Bruegel, and Trilateral Commission, three respectable think tanks that presumably do not have underage Moroccan girls that go by the stage name Ruby present. He is a Yale-trained Economics guy who has operated a technocratic government in Italy since November of 2011 working to implement austerity measures and hopefully liberalize some of Italy's stagnating economy. But, there is a downside to not being Berlusconi. The charisma and charm and unflappable nature of Berlusconi in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds is something that Mario Monti simply does not have. As Italians will undoubtedly feel the pressures of Mr Monti's austerity measures the question posed is, does Mario have the ability to hold together a country that sometimes wishes it was not a unified entity.

Mario Monti has a difficult job dealing with internal collapse and pressure from the European Union to ensure that it doesn't fold over like a piece of pizza right before we take a big bite. But, Mario Draghi has an even less enviable position to fill. Mario Draghi's rise to the head of the ECB was not one without controversy. France liked him and then didn't and then did again. Germany was against him, but when the German frontrunner Alex Weber said he didn't want to do the job Germany announced that they were behind Draghi because he was the most German of all the remaining candidates. It is an interesting turn of events where Romans are proud to be German-like. Octavian would be disgusted. But the reason that Mr Draghi has the more difficult job is that even if Mario Monti can get a handle on Italy's finances, Mr Draghi has to play a juggling match between rising Euro skeptics in national politics and the need to keep the Euro zone from collapsing that would be disastrous for the world at large. Ireland, Portugal, Spain and the perennial favorites to default, Greece still threaten to pull the whole apparatus down. Britain is upset with the Euro zone over French and German collusion to freeze London out. Hungarians might be breaking the Euro treaty with their increasing authoritarian stance. Russia is encroaching on European states that would otherwise turn to the Euro for assistance. The question is will Mario Draghi be able to navigate 8 levels of problems? Will he be able to find a magic whistle or two to skip some of the more difficult stages?

South Carolina Primary Results and what it means

South Carolina has spoken and they have said that they want the family values guy Newt Gingrich rather than the Moderate fiscal conservative Mitt Romney. Newt Gingrich was followed by Mitt Romney, then Rick Santorum and then Ron Paul. We're not too huge on percentages, but if that's your thing you can find them here, and only here. They exist nowhere else on the Internet.

So what has South Carolina's victory for Newt Gingrich told us? This is the part of the post where we move from a peculiar particular to a sweeping generalization, otherwise known as inductive reasoning. As the conclusion is not explicitly contained within the premises there will be a margin of error for the conclusion that we draw here. We believe that margin of error to be so very small we shan't produce a number. But you could say that the prediction we are about to present is about as likely Jim Harbaugh benching Alex Smith after they fall behind by 20 in the game against the Giants because he realized suddenly that he can still be the comeback kid. Miraculously, he will have success; but, in shades of the nightmare in Indianapolis, the hail mary to win the game will be called an incomplete pass. In other words our prediction is inevitable.

So what does the Gingrich victory in South Carolina mean? First and foremost, it means that the person at Moveon.org that paid Marianne Gingrich to drop her bomb shell at the opportune time wasted his money. When John Blades and Wes Boyd realize their coffers had been pilfered for this ineffective strategy they fire the individual responsible. He or she ends up going to work for Julian Assange, together they release a whole bunch of private documents that brings down the Sarkozy government in France, paving the way for one of our 2012 Sensational Shapers to take power.

Seeing the handwriting on the wall, Rick Santorum will leave the race and back Newt Gingrich. Gingrich will invite Santorum to become part of his incredibly efficient campaign. This move will backfire and Santorum will become so disillusioned with Gingrich's standard of family values that Santorum will head home to Pennsylvania and set up a consulting firm. Everyone will despair and call his innocent little project an evil lobbying firm. In further despair he will turn to iron working as a hobby. He will go on to weld the crack in the liberty bell.

Mitt will magnanimously soldier on to trade blows with Gingrich state by state. The race will go down to the wire and as the delegates come to the GOP convention contentious and rowdy rallies will cause riots all over Tampa. Ron Paul will finally voice that he is fed up and announce that he will run as an independent. This will cause everyone to come to their senses and sit down to sing kumbaya. Out of this little pow-wow a chant will arise. The groanings will be come louder and more discernible. "We want Huckabee, We want Huckabee, We want Huckabee". Dumbfounded, Mitt will leave the conference by private jet to fly out to his mansion in Côte d'Azur. Newt Gingrich will go to the nearest Tiffany's, buy it out and pass out jewelry to young and attractive females in a totally unselfish way not expecting any type of return. Mike Huckabee will have been elected by adoration.

In the general election Mike Huckabee will be close to defeating President Obama, but Ron Paul will prove to be the reincarnation of Ross Perot. He'll pop on the TV with a powerpoint and drive a wedge in the conservative vote, handing the election to President Obama on a silver platter.

So there you have it. The Gingrich victory in South Carolina means that France will elect Marine le Pen, Rick Santorum will fix the crack in the liberty bell, Mike Huckabee will become the Republican Nominee and Ron Paul will grow larger ears and lampoon Huckabee's chances.

Save IKEA from this madness!

Anders Dahlvig a former CEO of IKEA has stated that he thinks that the Swedish Furniture Giant and Lord Protector of humanity against the slow death by hipsterfication is too big and should be broken up. Dahlvig states that the company is so big it is too slow to adapt to change and that its supply chain is not as nimble as he deems necessary. His suggestion is that they split the company into three, Europe, North America and Asia. It seems a logical one considering Ingvar Kamprad is in his eighties and he has three sons. One son could rule over North America, one in Europe and one in Asia. What about the Latin American stores? But that is not the biggest issue. Let us learn from history.

Charlemagne died, leaving his kingdom to his only son still alive, Louis the Debonaire. Louis the Debonaire did at least well enough, as one would expect from a man that is called the Debonaire. But he followed Frankish custom and split the kingdom between his three sons. Lothair became the king of Italy and co-Emperor. Pepin was made the king of Aquitaine. Louis the German was made king of Bavaria. (A little later he'd bring another son into the mix named Charles the Bald. Considering that he is called "the Bald" and not much else you can imagine how well he did as a ruler). The result was civil war and the eventual collapse of all that Charlemagne worked for. Disaster.

Pay attention Ingvar Kamprad! Do not split the empire. Pick the strongest of your sons and have him ascend to the throne. If you split the kingdom you will be too weak to fight the enemy. Had the empire not been split it is possible that the European Union would have more than mere monetary cooperation. If that were the case then we wouldn't have things like the Greek contagion to worry about. Rather we would have a strong and united Europe under the helm someone noble and valiant like Silvio Berlusconi or Dominique Strauss-Kahn. That would be ideal.

Eirik's Saga, some boob action, zombies and a short treatise on time. What more could you ask for?

This is our second literature post and we've decided to stick to Viking sagas. Why? Well because The Vinland Sagas/The Norse Discovery of America has two tellings. The first is the Grœnlendinga Saga, which we already summed up and gave some thoughts on. The second is Eirik's Saga, which is what we're about to deliberate on. Eirik's Saga and the Grœnlendinga Saga are pretty similar in content and relate basically the same story. But, there are some contextual differences and some clear differences in what is emphasized. Both are probably idealized histories to be taken with a grain of salt, but shouldn't be dismissed out of hand either. We'll eventually get around to posting about some of the real life characters and historicity of the sagas, but don't set a calendar out for this post's arrival. It may be decades before we get to it. One thing I miss about existing upstairs is the absence of time. Bad Religion once commented, "eternity, my friend is a long f*ing time". But they were wrong. It is not a long time, it is beyond time.

On to the saga. Eirik's Saga begins with the story of Aud the Deep-Minded, one of the best monikers around. She is married in Dublin but events force her on to the Hebrides and eventually to Orkney. Then the story of Eirik the Red begins in a way that is slightly more detailed than the Grœnlendinga Saga, but eventually sees him in Greenland. It then goes on a tangent to tell of Gudrid, a lovely woman who has many pursuers. Gudrid is pursued by a low birth, wealth merchant. When it is suggested to her father that Gudrid marry the low born man named Einar, Gudrid's father up and leaves Iceland for Greenland. On his voyage from Iceland to Greenland a lot of the explorers and would-be settlers die of disease. But, some of the party eventually make it to Greenland.

On Greenland a terrible famine is breaking out so the people call out a pagan prophetess to see when the hard times will end. The prophetess asks everyone if they know some songs to enhance the spell. Only Gudrid knows the songs but she is unwilling to sing them as she is a Christian. However, she is pressured into singing the songs and it works. The prophetess then prophesies for a number of people, including Gudrid.

About this time Eirik the Red has a couple of sons growing up to be promising young dudes, Thorstein Eiriksson and Leif Eiriksson. Thorstein stays in Greenland with his pops and Leif travels to Norway to live with King Olaf Tryggvason. On his way though he's blown off course and has a child to a woman named Thorgunna in the Hebrides. When Leif makes it to Norway, King Olaf persuades him to go back to Greenland to preach Christianity, which he does. But on his way back he discovers Vinland by accident.

Meanwhile Thorstein Eiriksson ends up marrying the pagan song-singing Christian Gudrid. Gudrid and Thorstein end up moving about the country and settling nearby Eirik the Red. Then the strange stuff begins to happen. Disease breaks out and a bunch of people die. Sigrid, the wife of Eirik dies. Sigrid is important to the Christian world because she built the first church in Greenland; it was found in 1962 during excavation, proving a lot of Eirik's Saga that was once thought to be propaganda. But, Sigrid's corpse decides to come back to life and goes for Thorstein. It continues in this zombie fashion until Eirik buries an axe in his wife's corpse. Thorstein ends up dying and his corpse comes back to prophesy to Gudrid, his widow.

Then a pretty wealth dude named Thorfinn Karlsefni comes onto the scene in Greenland and stays with Eirik. Karlsefni ends up marrying Gudrid. When the winter ends Karlsefni takes 160 men and goes to Vinland where they try to explore and settle. During this experience a brute of a man named Thorall the Hunter prays to Thor and proclaims Thor's superiority to Christ. Thorall ends up splitting from the group to a brutal death in Ireland. Karlsefni goes on to greatness because of his commitment to Christ.

But, the road isn't easy for Karlsefni. When famine strikes in Vinland the settlers pray to God, "then they prayed to God to send them something to eat, but the response was not as prompt as they would have liked". Karlsefni goes on to make contact with the Native Americans in Vinland and does battle with them, prompting Karlsefni to leave. Karlsefni then does battle with a Uniped before returning home to Greenland to produce no less than three important Bishops in his progeny.

In some way's Eirik's Saga is more compelling than the Grœnlendinga Saga because of the mystical and magical properties. In other ways it seems more outlandish. But, if you liked the Grœnlendinga Saga you will like Eirik's Saga. If you didn't like the Grœnlendinga Saga then you won't like Eirik's Saga. As always, I prefer Penguin Classics because of their in depth background checks and minimalistic yet classy covers.

Denmark takes over the European Union, green turns blue

Saxony Line I-XV

Last time as we were tromping around the hallowed halls of this mental construct loosely based upon the Chemnitz, Dresden and Leipzig union we call Saxony we discussed pancakes, and the danger of eating them. This post was the most viewed of all my one hundred and eleventieth posts. Thanks for that! In it we discussed the Danish West Indies so we'd thought we'd have a look at them Danes today.

Denmark took over as the President of the European Union yesterday and it faces a great number of challenges in the year ahead. There is question over the survival of the Euro. There are Euro skeptics about making noise, especially in Britain and France with Marine Le Pen and National Front. There is tension between the 17 euro zone members and the 10 others who are part of the European Union but don't use the euro. In the midst of all this the Danes took center stage and set forth their green agenda. The timing was a bit awkward though because on the day that Denmark took over the European Union, ushering in a green agenda, Vestas, the world's largest producer of wind energy announced that they were cutting 2,335 jobs. That makes the green very blue.

To be fair, Vestas is just another victim of the European sovereign debt crisis and there is nothing wrong with the model per se. Companies simply are being crushed by their governments' debts. Note to America... However, it ought to be a good year for the Danes in charge of the European Union. They are a northern country that tends to be better with their money than those pesky southerners. Hopefully we will see a bit of Copenhagen in places like Athens, Oporto, Madrid, Rome and further south. If this were to happen what could we expect?

Could we see Athenians trading their gyros and moussaka for a hearty Smørrebrød? Somehow though I don't see too many Greeks giving up their buttery and flakey deliciousness for a hunk of dense rye bread topped with salmon and roe.

Could we see the Casa da Música host Chris Minh Doky and his jazz stylings to see the sluggish Portuguese economy revive? Why not? The Casa da Música is one of Portugal's premier venues and an icon of the city that has Northern European touches already (it was designed by a Dutch architect).

Could we see Danish design and architecture take hold in the streets, buildings and hearts of madrileños? Would a row or two of Arne Jacobsen's Swan Chairs be inappropriate at the Temple of Debod? Would some Danish Functionalism blend well with the baroque the façade of Basílica of San Miguel? We'll say that Swan Chairs are appropriate in any location, including relocated Ancient Egyptian ruins in Spain, but that the minimalism of Functionalism would cause serious harm to Madrid's historical vistas.

Could we see a Renaissance of Gabriel Axel in Lazio, rolling down the peaks of the Tolfa Mountains and pouring out into the Maremma Laziale before entering the gates of Rome to receive his long due triumph? His movie Babbete's Feast could play out and a simple act of kindness repaid could cause a mystical reawakening of glorious proportions. We are unfortunately though realizing that if the Gabriel Axel Renaissance takes place in the land of Silvio Berlusconi it shan't be Babbete's Feast that leads the way but Gabriel Axel's manifesto to legalize pornography Det kære legetøj. We can already see the bunga bunga headlines.

Or could we even see a return of the Vikings just in time to crush the Somali pirates who look to choke the life out of the trading industry in the Indian Ocean? The Somalis would never be a match for Ragnar Lodbrok and his longships. The once reviled scourge of Rouen and Paris could atone for his heathen conquest of France and extract more than 7000 pounds of silver from the Somalis. Unleash thy fury and thy sons Ragnar - especially Ivar the Boneless. That man is terrifying. York still quakes in fear.

Armenian-American Relations from an Armenian Standpoint

Recently we posted about Azerbaijan, Armenia’s eastern neighbor, and one that is not very neighborly at all. Armenia in fact has a difficult neighborhood to live in at the moment. Relationships with Georgia have been mostly positive since the break up of the USSR but things became more complicated because of the 2008 South Ossetia war. Azerbaijan to the east of Armenia has been opposed to Armenia since before the break up of the Soviet Union. Turkey, with whom relations have been all but severed over the Turkish refusal to recognize the genocide of Armenians by the Ottoman Empire between 1915-1923, flanks Armenia to the west. Armenia needs friends and allies desperately. Armenia has tried to please everyone, including Iran, Russia and the West. This balancing act of complementarism is nothing new and dates back to the ancient Roman-Parthian feuds where an Armenian king could be deposed or worse if he didn’t manage to please both sides. But, this balancing act has often created inner turmoil with some citizens as being more pro-Iran, others more Russian centric, and others have more of a western leaning stance.

Recently there was a bit of a row over the American ambassador to Azerbaijan. Matthew Bryza had been appointed to the ambassador post to Azerbaijan in 2010 by President Obama in spite of warnings from Democratic senators Barbra Boxer and Robert Menendez that they couldn’t in good conscience do anything but block the nomination of Bryza. So Bryza went for the year as ambassador to Azerbaijan but was forced to come home when his one-year expired because the Senate refused to confirm his appointment (an ambassador can spend a year abroad on executive order, but needs senate confirmation to stay in a more permanent state). In spite of intense lobbying of Senators Boxer and Menendez by President Obama, the Azerbaijani interest groups in Washington DC and media outlets in America aiming lobs at the two senators, notably the Wall Street Journal and Washington Post. Yet Bryza was not confirmed and had to return home from Azerbaijan in late 2011.

Boxer and Menendez decided to shelve the nomination of Bryza for two main reasons. First, Bryza comes across as very pro-Azerbaijani because of some comments he has made about Turkey’s role in the Genocide of Armenians and about the Nagorno-Karabakh War. Armenian American activists would have opposed the nomination of Bryza on this basis alone. What has further disenfranchised Armenians and Armenian-Americans is the fact the Bryza’s Turkish-American wife Zeyno Baran. Zeyno is a scholar specializing in Turkish-American relations, Political Islam and other Eurasian issues. She was asked to present opinion and research to the US Senate about the recognition of the Armenian Genocide. She gave a recommendation against recognition. So Bryza had to be opposed from the Armenian standpoint.

While this story comes from a whole host of sources, a main one is an article by Harut Sassounian, an Armenian-American scholar who has advocated for recognition of the Armenian genocide for years. Where the Armenian bias comes into play in his spirited article is whom he sees as the winners and losers of this year long international brinkmanship. On the losing side he places President Obama for pushing a “poorly qualified” candidate into place, the Azerbaijani government and Turkish interest groups for the amount of money they wasted on lobbing to get Bryza confirmed, and 36 US lawmakers who pushed for the Senate approval. Sassounian’s key winners are first and foremost, the Armenian-American lobby that has proved to Washington, Baku and Ankara that Armenia is not to played with as some Roman or Sassanid buffer state. Secondly, he states rather sardonically that, “Matthew Bryza and his wife, who as lobbyists for Azerbaijan and Turkey, can be expected to make millions by cashing in on their high-level connections in Baku and Ankara.”

Azerbaijan is training teenagers to be spies

Azerbaijan has recently opened a number of military intelligence courses across the country to begin training for teenagers as young as fifteen. The students will learn skills to be an intelligence offer, including weapons training and hand-to-hand combat skills. Certainly the goal to create a nation of Jason Bourne type figures is both laudable and entirely in the pink. We cannot foresee any possible negative outcomes.

Sarcasm aside this development is a scary one considering the stakes between Azerbaijan and its neighbor Armenia. Azerbaijan and Armenia have been at loggerheads since the Nagorno-Karabakh War that was waged between 1988-1994. The regional tensions were heightened by Turkey’s support of Azerbaijan in the build up to the war with Armenia. Armenia and Turkey have their own history to be overcome as well. Though the war official ended, the tensions between Azerbaijan and Armenia over territorial, religious, and ethnic issues have not.

Azerbaijan has a compulsory service clause for its citizens. As nationalistic and/or anti-Armenian sentiment flares up more and more citizens look to join the military intelligence units during their mandated service time. Now this espionage and international men of mystery course will better prepare them for this goal. This program, as much as it may provoke equal and opposite measurements from Armenia and enflame anti-Azerbaijani sentiment across the border has not entered any kind of scale that should cause an alarm or new arms race. Seventy Azerbaijani men applied to the program and only twenty were accepted. Of course, if this proves to be simply a pilot program, Azerbaijan really could turn into something of a Robert Ludlum novel full of dangerous killing machines.

I am not a man, I am Cantona, President Cantona

Eric Cantona once said, "I am searching for abstract ways of expressing reality, abstract forms that will enlighten my own mystery." Well, he has found a way of enlightening the mystery. Today, the former footballer for the French National Team and Manchester United has announced that he is going to run for president of France in 2012. His decision to run is so that he can promote and highlight the French housing crisis. However this could be the perfect storm and Cantona could become the leader of France.

First of all, there is all kinds of craziness going on in Europe. There is the banking crisis. There is questions of whether the Euro can last. Then there are no religions popping up based on copying and pasting. The craziness continues even in France with a lawsuit brought for compensation in the Michael Jackson wrongful death. Plus the French are starting to really hate the current President Nicolas Sarkozy more than they hate Americans not named Cole Porter. And the serious alternative to Sarkozy from the socialists Dominique Strauss-Kahn was knocked out of the race by a sex scandal in New York leaving the French with the alternative of electing this femme fatale. France is ripe for a President Eric Cantona and we for one, could not be happier.

This begs the question of what Eric Cantona would be like as the leader of France. Besides his support of the Corsican freedom fighters he has a bevy of social causes that are near and dear to his heart. His movement against the banks was a failure as a civilian but as a President these words might not ring so hollow. "The revolution is really easy to do these days. What's the system? The system is built on the power of the banks. So it must be destroyed through the banks. A real revolution". So Cantona would pull all the power from the banks and assumably give any power that he doesn't keep to himself to the poor and working classes of France.

We for one will be voting in absentia for Mr. Cantona, mainly because we would have endless supply of material to work with. Exhibit A is his reflection on his truly remarkable football career when he said, presumably without a single prompt, "my best moment? I have a lot of good moments but the one I prefer is when I kicked the hooligan." However, we would also vote for him out of fear of being the second known recipient of that merciless kick. If you have never seen it, even if you hate soccer, you must click here to witness something that makes the basketball player formerly known as Ron Artest's soiree in the Malice at the Palace seem like the most sanguine of events.

We shall leave you then with the immortal words of the hopefully immortal Cantona, "When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea. Thank you very much". It has a very presidential ring to it no?

The New Religion of Sweden

Sweden has officially recognized a new religion called "Kopimism" (pronounced copy-me-ism). Kopimism was founded in 2010 by philosophy student Isak Gerson. The entire thrust of the religion is that copying and pasting is a fundamental right of all mankind. Gerson had petitioned to get he and his 3,000 or so flock legal status in Sweden twice before to no avail. But now that he has finally gotten the green light by the Swedes he is working to make file sharing a protected religious practice. So when you illegally download that movie you don't feel like paying a dollar for at a Red Box you can simply chalk it up to praying. Or when you pirate that song that you've been hearing on the radio you can do it with a clear conscience as it is your religion. The religious symbols of this farcical religion are "Ctrl-C" and "Ctrl-V". Obviously this is an exclusivist religion as "Command-C" and "Command-V" are not religious symbols. I therefore declare the Kopimi Church to be bigots against Mac Users like myself.

Thoughts on Grœnlendinga Saga

You would think that since I have been granted a second lease on life that I would want to read things that were produced since after I had been buried and mourned, in quite a stately fashion I might add. However, the ease of which the people of today can purchase literature astounds me. You have more access to great works than at any other period in history! It is truly a blessing! If only I could be pulled away from Playstation 3 long enough I would be lost in so many books. But as it is, I can only be pulled away long enough to read that which I fancy the most at the moment, and at this moment I fancy Viking Sagas. So, for my first post on literature I have chosen the short saga entitled, "Grœnlendinga Saga".

The Grœnlendinga Saga was written down sometime in the 13th century but retells stories from the late 10th and early 11th centuries. It is a fascinating look at Viking culture and important for anyone that enjoys American history. Why? Because it retells the story of how America was discovered by Europeans nearly 500 years before Columbus. Considering that only within the last 20 years have we celebrated the 500th anniversary of Columbus' voyage that more than doubles the time of Europe's involvement in the Americas. Fascinating stuff.

The Grœnlendinga Saga tells about Eirik the Red and his descendants. The first bit deals with Eirik the Red and his discovery of Greenland. One of my favorite parts of the Grœnlendinga Saga is how it opens. "He and Eirik left their home in Jaerderen, in Norway, because of some killings". It is such a succinct opening and tells, so matter of fact the brutal world in which Eirik the Red operates. Eirik has to leave his home three times because of his violent nature and discovers Greenland. He then decides to play marketing guru and decides to call the place he discovered "Greenland, for he said that people would be more tempted to go there if it had an attractive name".

The saga continues with a guy named Bjarni who moves to be with his father in Greenland. Bjarni however is blown off course and spies some islands and land that is not Greenland. However, Bjarni has no interest in exploring the lands and finally is able to reunite with his pops in Greenland. Later Bjarni goes to Norway where he is ridiculed for his lack of curiosity. But, the Viking spirit for exploration is not diminished.

Leif Eiriksson, the son of Eirik the Red learns of Bjarni's voyage and decides he wants the glory and accolades that comes with exploration of new lands. Lief explores and names some areas of North America, probably Baffin Island, Labrador and somewhere in between the vast region of the gulf of St. Lawrence to the north and New Jersey to the south. After a winter or two in North America, Leif returns to Greenland to see Eirik the Red before he dies. When Eirik dies, Leif becomes the de facto ruler of Greenland and the mantle of exploration passes to his brother Thorvald.

Thorvald goes to North America, which Leif had named Vinland on account of the wild grapes that were discovered there and announces that this is a good land to live. Thorvald is the first European to have contact with Native Americans, likely the Micmac or some derivation of the Beothuk Red Indian Tribes. Thorvald gets into a little skirmish with the Indians and is fatally wounded. In a a noble way he dies and tells his men, "I seem to have hit on the truth when I said that I would settle there for awhile" and asks to be buried at the place he announced was good for settling.

The thirst for adventure does not die with Thorvald and the third son of Eirik the Red decides to take up the family business. Thorstein Eiriksson decides that he wants to retrieve Thorvald's remains and sets sail for Vinland but weather keeps him locked on to Greenland where he meets Thorskin the Black. The initial exchange between Thorstein and Thorskin is both comical and telling of the growing influence of Christianity on Viking culture. I love learning about how religions, especially Christianity appropriates former pagan culture and weaves it into its own fabric. Thorskin states that Thorstein and his wife are welcome to hospitality but, "you will find life dull, for there are only two of us there, my wife and myself and I am very unsociable". That's funny stuff. How many of us have felt this tension? We know we should be hospitable but don't really want to open our houses to guests. Thorskin is the uberman in the sense that he does what he should but tells his guests that he'd rather not. In early Christian propaganda the author relates that Thorskin tacks on to his unwelcoming welcome, "I am also a different faith from yours, although I consider yours to be better than mine".

Thorstein Eiriksson ends up dying of a disease that ravages the Western settlements of Greenland that winter. But the corpse of Thorstein ends up prophesying the future of his wife, which is basically the conclusion of the saga. His widow ends up marrying a rich guy from Norway named Karlsefni. Karlsefni tries to permanently settle Vinland. In that task he fails, but not before becoming wealthy through trading with the natives and then having the first war with them. After the war though the settlers with Karlsefni decide they want no part of Vinland and would rather return home to Greenland. Karlsefni is blessed and has some pretty famous and powerful progeny.

All three of Eirik the Red's sons had tried their hand to some extent in Vinland and it was time that his daugher, Freydis went to Vinland. Freydis goes with the biggest excursion yet to Vinland. Freydis' group though has a falling out with some brothers from Iceland at Vinland. It ends with Freydis nagging her husband into killing all of the brothers' group. Freydis' husband and his men however refuse to kill the women who traveled with the Icelanders. Freydis takes care of this herself. All the friction though made everyone want to go back home to Greenland. Back at Greenland Leif Eiriksson the ruler of Greenland learns how his sister had mistreated and slaughtered men in Vinland and is grieved. His familial ties prevent him from exacting justice on her, but he prophesies that her family won't do so well in the future. After that, everyone in Greenland hates her.

The Grœnlendinga Saga is a quick read. I recommend it to anyone that likes short reads, Viking stories or has an affinity for history. My recommendation is to pick up the Penguin Classics "The Vinland Sagas and the Norse Discovery of America". Stay tuned for the next chapter in our Literature section when we dissect "Eirik's Saga".

Michael Jackson still inspires fierce loyalty

The sad and tragic death of Michael Jackson has landed his doctor, Conrad Murray in jail. He was convicted of involuntary manslaughter and was sentenced to the maximum penalty. He'll probably only serve two years in prison because of California's overcrowded prisons. That's an entirely different topic that we will not broach here. I'm opening enough cans already and want to stay away from California Penal System and the Concordat of Worms. Those are the only two topics that we won't touch on Leibnizian Ramblings. Everything else is fair game.

But the death of Michael Jackson sent shockwaves all over the world. Hikers on the incredibly remote Pico Duarte, the highest peak in the West Indies were told of the death. I know because that was where my fiancee was when she heard the news. While she was as upset as the rest of us, the mourning in France must have been unfathomable for fans. In fact, it caused such incredible suffering and mental anguish that fans of the late King of Pop are suing Conrad Murray for causing them such pain.

The case is set to be heard on April 11. The lawyer bringing the case is named Emmanuel Ludot who equated the loss of Michael Jackson to losing a childhood friend in a traffic accident. If Ludot wins the case in Orleans 100 members of the Michael Jackson Community are set to receive €10,000. If Ludot pulls this off I won't criticize the judicial system of France or even post about it. I'll be too busy joining every troubled entertainer's fan group looking to cash in at a later date.

IKEA looks to stop the Hipsterification of Bulgaria

IKEA's store in Sofia, Bulgaria is only a few months old, having been opened in September of 2011. But it's 30,000 square feet of pure recruitment ground is paying dividends in the struggle against Urban Outfitters. But, nonetheless UO has gotten its hooks into young Bulgarians turning them hipster.

Gogol Bordello, a Manhattan based group (pictured above in the dirty hipster stash and grimy clothing) embraces Bulgarian traditions and gypsy stylings to give a hipster vibe that is popular amongst the hipsters in Bulgaria.

The Zydepunks, a New Orleans based group has commandeered traditional Bulgarian folk music, woven it with cajun and zydeco rhythmic gyrations and created hipster songs.

Unfortunately these American exports seem to be increasing UO's power inside of Bulgaria so IKEA must be extra vigilant. As if that wasn't bad enough, Sofia has its own hipster hot spot called "The Apartment". That's a picture of hipster scrawling at this place "where the cool kids hang out". IKEA has its work cut out for it in Bulgaria.

Angela Merkel leads the Prussian invasion of Venice

Saxony Line I-XII

Already we have the twelfth experience on the pure consciousness expereince that is the Saxony Line. Incredible. Last time we talked about the ruination of the Great Wall and the possibility of Venice sinking into the ocean just in time for the Mayan Doomsday to drop the boom on all of us. Since we're concerned about Venice we thought we'd might take a gander at what was going on over there these days. So we started to do our normal research methodology that I won't share for proprietary reasons. But we got all confused.

We began reading from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazeette about how the Italian ingenuity had spoiled August von Mackensen and his war machine from capturing the "wonder" city of the world. A number of gates had been opened to let a few rivers flood creating a 12 mile triangle of water that would be difficult to pass quickly through. In the meantime French troops were marching quickly down to aid their besieged ally. We thought we had missed something somewhere and that war had broken out unbeknownst to us.

We figured that Silvio Berlusconi had held a bunga-bunga in the Doge's palace where he had poisoned Mario Monti, the technocratic mastermind that will hopefully save Italy (and thus, my portfolio) from a Greek tragedy. Having poisoned Monti, Berlusconi had then taken back power in a ruthless coup that would have made the Participazio family proud. Fed up with all the southern nonsense Kaiser Merkel decided to simply occupy Italy for the time being to restore some good old fashioned Prussian order. Nicolas Sarkozy would have gone along with the deal but Marine Le Pen would have none of it and started down towards venice with goose-stepping militias in tow.

Thankfully though, we realized that the paper had been published on November 17, 1917. We were relieved when we figured that out. So Venice is fine. But, Venice is sinking into the ocean. Go now.

2012 Sensational Shapers - Marine Le Pen

Marine Le Pen came to the head of France's National Front, a far right political party in January of 2011 when she took over the reigns from its founder, her father. The National Front has consistently been marginalized as a fringe far right extremist party. It has done well in some elections but lacks a strong showing in government because of French electoral rules. While her father, Jean-Marie Le Pen was never able to break into the more mainstream of French politics, that glass ceiling may be shattered by his daughter.

Europe has been very wary of far right parties due to the disastrous results of flirtations with fascism in the 20th century. This can account for why the National Front has never risen to rival the Socialist Party (center-left) or President Nicolas Sarkozy's Union for a Popular Movement (center-right). But Marine Le Pen has been working to shed National Front's xenophobic image and make it more mainstream this year and has been successful. It helps too that the European Union has left many in France longing for more independence and that the French are becoming German-skeptic again. Sarkozy has been portrayed as the whipping boy of German chancellor Angela Merkel and many French are looking to Le Pen as a way to stand up to German might.

Marine Le Pen has scored points with her fiery speeches about immigration and her rallying cry against globalization and the ills it has brought to France. She is an educated lawyer, a strong rhetorician and good looking. All of these points add up to trouble for Nicolas Sarkozy in France's presidential elections later this year. It is entirely possible she get into a run-off election with him and knock him out. Whether this leads to her becoming president is less clear. She'll have a fight with the Socialist Party on her hands then, but with Dominique Strauss-Kahn having been knocked out by his sex scandal in New York, the Socialists don't have as strong of a candidate for this election as they would've hoped.

Regardless of the election results, Marine Le Pen will be one who shapes the world in 2012. Marine Le Pen is the first of our Leibnizian Sensational Shapers series. Stay tuned for more installments over the next few days as we highlight our ten Sensational Shapers of 2012

IKEA is under attack in Belgium

It had been quiet in the post-holiday slump of the IKEA and Urban Outfitters war, but alas to the war we go. We know that IKEA has some strong allies in Quebec and Ottawa. We know that Owls have sided with UO. And we now know that Belgian restauranteurs are not to be trusted. According to these guys IKEA is under attack in Belgium on account of their deliciously discounted meatballs. Just thinking about it makes me long for some lingonsylt...

The story goes that Belgian restaurants are upset because of the price of IKEA's meatballs, which at €2.50 makes them even more appealing. The Belgian protestors claim that IKEA is serving up their meatballs at a price that is below cost in order to lure an unsuspecting public into their stores. This practice is illegal in Belgium. The restauranteurs claim that once people eat the inexpensive meatball they will look at restaurants as thieves. Au contraire, mon frère, the real thieves is UO! But, this is beside the point.

To counter IKEA's strategic meatball costs the restauranteurs have banded together and started to bus in 200 homeless people to feed them meatballs. They hope that the sight of the homeless will scare off customers and force IKEA to raise their meatball prices. In the antebellum world this would seem like normal Belgian waste of talent, after all this is the country that went over 250 days without a government. But, as we know the seriousness of Urban Outfitter's plans on world domination and IKEA's vow to stop it, this attack can't be ignorant of the times we live in. Stand firm IKEA. If they keep bussing the homeless in simply use your bathroom department to give them all hot showers. Put them in the blue jumpsuits of your back room workers and have them take a nap on your incredibly comfortable and uniquely modern couches. Win-win.

A rose by any other name...

Greece has spent countless watts of energy on obstructing their northern neighbors Macedonia on account of Greek fears that Macedonia has designs on the Greek region called Macedonia. To be fair, many Macedonian nationalists operating on the idea of an United Macedonia may have those designs. But, since Macedonia began in 1991 on account of the break-up of Yugoslavia the Greeks have protested Macedonia in all sorts of international events. In 2008 Greece blocked a NATO invitation to their neighbors even though Macedonia had applied under the name that Greeks prefer, Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia. FYROM has such an easy time rolling off one's tongue, no? Macedonia cried foul on this action and took their case up to The Hague. The Hague for their part told Greece it wasn't playing fair in a December decision. However, The Hague failed to do anything further to prevent Greece from playing unfairly again. Basically, The Hague pretended to be a dad that didn't really want to hear how the older brother had cheated at Monopoly and told the older brother to play nice. The older brother feeling scolded, went back to the Monopoly game thinking of better cheating strategies knowing that Dad couldn't be bothered while Den Haag was on TV. Score one meaningless victory for Macedonia.

The silencing power of the census

Immigration has been and will continue to be an issue in the US for years to come. That anyone would want to emigrate to a country should be a point of pride for that country's citizens. However, this is often not the case. Many citizens look down on the immigrant, especially if he is of a minority culture. Thus an unrelenting cycle of distrust is born. The citizen dislikes the immigrant because he is different. The immigrant distrusts the citizen because of his rhetoric. The immigrant enclaves with immigrants of his own culture. The citizens look down on the enclave because of their refusal to assimilate. The government steps in to do either one of two things. Either they promote multi-culturalism, enraging the nativist citizen; or, they look to create an homogenous society at the expense of the minority enclaves, earning them praise from the nativists and scorn from other governments, foreign media outlets and the all powerful Internet chatter.

But, the US is not alone in facing this difficult reality of the modern age. And for all of its faults, the US has proved themselves enviable in assimilation throughout the past few hundred years. Challenges will continue to arise in the 21st century as technology will allow people to exist in two cultures simultaneously and as more and more immigrants come from countries that bear a different skin tone than the majority of Americans. But, when considering America's responses towards immigration hitherto, the country has not devolved from its values so far as to mirror other countries.

Albania has taken the track of creating the appearance of an homogenous society at the expense of its minority citizens. First, allow me to explain that the desire to create a homogenous society is neither wrong nor undesirable. The fabric of a nation needs to be seamlessly integrated for it to grow. However, assimilation can come through the melting of ethnic groups to better reflect the actual populous of the country. Also the methodology involved in getting minority citizens and immigrants to be less insular needs to come from incentive-based strategies rather than bludgeoning or silencing ones. Albania, located in the culturally diverse Balkans has decided to use the census as a way of creating a cultural hegemony.

The most recent Albanian census has removed the category of nationality from the questionnaire to the chagrin of the minority Macedonian, Greek, Serb, Montenegrin, Vlach, Roma and Egyptian populations. This is especially contentious in the Mala Prespa region of Albania (eastern edge on the border of Macedonia). A large number of Macedonians live in this region that has numerous times been claimed by Macedonian nationalists as a part of the United Macedonia concept. If the nationalistic tensions weren't enough to light the tinderbox region of the Balkans, the Macedonians are Christian Orthodox in a Muslim country. The minority leaders in Albania are looking to take the Albanian government to the European Court of Human Rights in Strasbourg on the matter. But, as in all Balkan stories, the specter of a Gavrilo Princip type figure looms large. Word of advice, if you are an archduke do not travel anywhere near Albania until this census matter has long been settled.