Who is this mysterious Colleen? Part I

Hanover Line I-XV

Last time on the Hanover line we spoke about ice cream and delicious ice cream eateries throughout the United States. We also commented on hipster’s disapproval of ice cream and the ensuing paradox that that presents. But in our deliberations we posited a specific paragraph to a mysterious Colleen. So the naturally inquisitive mind will want to know who this Colleen is. Well, we can tell you most certainly who this Colleen is not.

It is certainly not Colleen Clinkenbeard, the voice actress that poisons our children’s minds with English dubbing of Japanese anime. The Japanese have exported a great deal of quality to America, however Colleen Clinkenbeard’s assistance to Japanese exportation of their cartoons is not one such item. In fact, Japanese animation or Japaninmation is an affront to the homegrown American cartoon industry. Besides, these cartoons are just awful.

Recently, Ms. Clinkenbeard worked on this one show entitled xxxHolic. American tweens and teens (and those older who still act like a tween) are drawn to this nonsense about a man becoming trapped by a magic shop because of the demons plaguing him only to have the shopkeeper die before granting his magical wish whilst going on through magical errands and becoming a time-traveling magician himself to fight off the sorcerers until he gains a reluctant immortality as the shopkeeper. Why Colleen? Why did you enable Americans to sink to this level of depravity?

How is this show even interesting? How is it better than Duke foiling Cobra Commander week in and week out? How is this better than Tweety consistently foiling Sylvester or the Roadrunner outpacing Wile. E. Coyote episode ad infinitum? These homegrown and wholesome cartoons teach our kids persistence. It teaches them that good always triumphs over evil. It teaches them that knowing is half the battle. But, what have we learned from xxxHolic? We learned that when demons plague you and the only way to get rid of them is to throw your lot in with an undying shopkeeper of magical proportions. I blame hipster for all of this and their longing for the authentic. Say no to Seinen Manga. Say no to Colleen Clinkenbeard and her anime.