Hipster paradox and the best ice cream in America

Hanover Line I-XIV

Last time on the Hanover line we discussed the goings on in the United Arab Emirates. There was a lot of those goings on. There was hashish. There was bullet trains. The was drive-in theaters in the middle of the dessert. And there was Cold Stone. It was that topic that got me thinking about ice cream and where to get the best ice cream.

By the way, why doesn't Hipster like ice cream?

In Upland, IN a sleepy little college town there is a place called Ivanhoes. They offer an hundred shakes and an hundred sundaes. Good stuff. Strawberry shortcake in season is the best. But, overall you have to get the tenderloin and onion rings. Period.

In Washington DC there is this place called Dolcezza Gelato. It's Argentinian gelato, not the ordinary Italian variety. Argentinians make it creamier. Go to the one in Dupont Circle. Then go read in Kramerbooks.

This one is for you Colleen. All American Classic Diner Home of the Stuffed Burger in Cedar City Utah has awesome soft serve. However, that's assuming that you can make it through a meal there without feeling too full for even the most delicious soft serve on the planet. (Sorry to my friends at Cliffs in Ledgewood, NJ. It beats the hitherto unbeatable Skyscraper). First you have to eat the stuffed burger. That's two pieces of fried bread surrounding a fried hamburger patty. Not even the geniuses of Epic Meal Time could top the calorie count in such a small portion. If you make it through that you'll be rewarded with hands down the best soft serve. The only drawback to this place is that for such a small town there is a disproportionate amount of hipsters. Worst still most of them are the younger, more aggressive kind known as scenesters.

Then there is Capogiro Gelateria in Philadelphia. It's kind of like Dolcezza but way more pretentious. You have to go there so whenever the topic of ice cream is broached in everyday conversation you can look down on people when they give you a quizzical and slightly disgusted look when you say the best gelato you've ever eaten is Sweet Potato and Pecan Praline. Tasty snobbery.

But overall the best ice cream in America is in Jackson, MI. A simple and quaint place called The Parlour. The Parlour serves up traditional American Fare and the best darn Banana Split you have ever feasted upon. While there is a lot of vintage chicness to the place you won't have to worry about hipster appropriating the place because hipster doesn't like ice cream.

So, why doesn't hipster like ice cream?

Ice cream is empirically verifiably cool. Hipster hates cool. Hipster assassinates cool. The only way to assassinate ice cream is to eat it. To assassinate the cool Hipster must ingest the cool. Ice cream is paradoxical to hipster. Hipster hates having the tables turned on him.