SPLOST Tax and Sebastian Bach with the Cowboy Junkies?

Way back when, in December we were cutting our teeth on how to blog. We blogged about SPLOST Taxes, if you remember SPLOST are special purpose local-option sales tax where the population gets to vote on whether or not to pay a tax for something. We thought it might be time for us to think about what things we would like to vote on whether or not to pay taxes for.

1. The U.S. Government gave some people with a lot of letters behind their names at Columbia University $606,000 to do a study on the effects of online dating. We would like a chance to do a study on the trend moving to dating over the iPhone and whether or not someone who uses an Android is compatible with an iPhone user. For $600K we could even do a follow up on whether or not modern Blackberry users will end up as spinsters with a dozen cats. However, if we are not to be awarded this chunk of change, then we would like to vote no on this spending.

2. The U.S. Government gave $55,660 to Kriemhild Dairy Farms to pay for packaging for their butter. This definitely should have gotten the people's approval. It would have been acceptable for Country Crock, but anything else is Government waste.

3. Ottawa paid $83,000 to promote a Bluegrass festival in New Richmond. Considering that Bluegrass is a southern Appalachian phenomena, Quebec possessing a small bit of the mountain range is no reason to drop that kind of cheddar by the government. The only feasible reason for Ottawa to shell out $83,000 to promote a music festival would be if it featured Sebastian Bach fronting for the Cowboy Junkies. Then it would be justifiable.

Orange County Hipsters

We all know that the Mecca of Hipsterdom is Brooklyn, New York, with the Hipster Ka'aba being located in Williamsburg. We also know that the Hipster Medina is Portland, Oregon. Seattle is Hipsterdom's Jerusalem. Seattle is the Jerusalem of this mix because it shares its holy status with two other groups The Frasier Religion, which is based on an unhealthy devotion to Kelsey Grammer and the dying religion of Grunge. But a crazy report is coming out today that Orange County might be the most hipster place of all.

The crowning of Orange County as Hipster central however focuses on one sole thing. The amount of fixies in the OC. For those of you who are not hipster or hipster curious a fixie is a bicycle that has no freewheel, meaning one can never coast on a fixie. Coasting is for cool people. Hipster hates cool. It is much more deck to effortlessly pedal an ironic looking bike. The real hipster of hipster rides a fixie with no breaks. That shows how much they don't care. They could die at any moment. It's hipster unto death.

But a hipster is more than someone who rides a fixie. A hipster is ironic without understanding the meaning of irony. This notion that facial hair can be ironic is anathema to true irony pioneers. The only thing that could be ironic about a mustache is if a person with a mustache was on his smoking break where smoking was illegal. There is also nothing ironic about PBR per se. The only thing ironic is that America's worst tasting beer is now America's most expensive beer because of the hipster appropriation of it. Soon it will be unaffordable to hipsters. Hipster running up the price on PBR to the point they can no longer afford it, now that is ironic.

The OC however could in fact become the Harar of Hipsterdom. Hipsters could move to the OC from Mecca (Williambsburg) because they have grown tired of the poor weather and because hipsters generally can't stand the sight of each other. Hipsters could travel south from Portland to seek refuge the upcoming Renaissance Tour of The Decemberists and Death Cab for Cutie. And it is conceivable that hipsters from Seattle could ride their fixies down to Big Sur and miss the exit because they were fiddling with their iPod and find comfort in the OC. So, while the article says that the OC is the biggest hipster hot spot, we estimate that it could never be anything more than the fourth holy city of Hipsterdom.

Eirik's Saga, some boob action, zombies and a short treatise on time. What more could you ask for?

This is our second literature post and we've decided to stick to Viking sagas. Why? Well because The Vinland Sagas/The Norse Discovery of America has two tellings. The first is the Grœnlendinga Saga, which we already summed up and gave some thoughts on. The second is Eirik's Saga, which is what we're about to deliberate on. Eirik's Saga and the Grœnlendinga Saga are pretty similar in content and relate basically the same story. But, there are some contextual differences and some clear differences in what is emphasized. Both are probably idealized histories to be taken with a grain of salt, but shouldn't be dismissed out of hand either. We'll eventually get around to posting about some of the real life characters and historicity of the sagas, but don't set a calendar out for this post's arrival. It may be decades before we get to it. One thing I miss about existing upstairs is the absence of time. Bad Religion once commented, "eternity, my friend is a long f*ing time". But they were wrong. It is not a long time, it is beyond time.

On to the saga. Eirik's Saga begins with the story of Aud the Deep-Minded, one of the best monikers around. She is married in Dublin but events force her on to the Hebrides and eventually to Orkney. Then the story of Eirik the Red begins in a way that is slightly more detailed than the Grœnlendinga Saga, but eventually sees him in Greenland. It then goes on a tangent to tell of Gudrid, a lovely woman who has many pursuers. Gudrid is pursued by a low birth, wealth merchant. When it is suggested to her father that Gudrid marry the low born man named Einar, Gudrid's father up and leaves Iceland for Greenland. On his voyage from Iceland to Greenland a lot of the explorers and would-be settlers die of disease. But, some of the party eventually make it to Greenland.

On Greenland a terrible famine is breaking out so the people call out a pagan prophetess to see when the hard times will end. The prophetess asks everyone if they know some songs to enhance the spell. Only Gudrid knows the songs but she is unwilling to sing them as she is a Christian. However, she is pressured into singing the songs and it works. The prophetess then prophesies for a number of people, including Gudrid.

About this time Eirik the Red has a couple of sons growing up to be promising young dudes, Thorstein Eiriksson and Leif Eiriksson. Thorstein stays in Greenland with his pops and Leif travels to Norway to live with King Olaf Tryggvason. On his way though he's blown off course and has a child to a woman named Thorgunna in the Hebrides. When Leif makes it to Norway, King Olaf persuades him to go back to Greenland to preach Christianity, which he does. But on his way back he discovers Vinland by accident.

Meanwhile Thorstein Eiriksson ends up marrying the pagan song-singing Christian Gudrid. Gudrid and Thorstein end up moving about the country and settling nearby Eirik the Red. Then the strange stuff begins to happen. Disease breaks out and a bunch of people die. Sigrid, the wife of Eirik dies. Sigrid is important to the Christian world because she built the first church in Greenland; it was found in 1962 during excavation, proving a lot of Eirik's Saga that was once thought to be propaganda. But, Sigrid's corpse decides to come back to life and goes for Thorstein. It continues in this zombie fashion until Eirik buries an axe in his wife's corpse. Thorstein ends up dying and his corpse comes back to prophesy to Gudrid, his widow.

Then a pretty wealth dude named Thorfinn Karlsefni comes onto the scene in Greenland and stays with Eirik. Karlsefni ends up marrying Gudrid. When the winter ends Karlsefni takes 160 men and goes to Vinland where they try to explore and settle. During this experience a brute of a man named Thorall the Hunter prays to Thor and proclaims Thor's superiority to Christ. Thorall ends up splitting from the group to a brutal death in Ireland. Karlsefni goes on to greatness because of his commitment to Christ.

But, the road isn't easy for Karlsefni. When famine strikes in Vinland the settlers pray to God, "then they prayed to God to send them something to eat, but the response was not as prompt as they would have liked". Karlsefni goes on to make contact with the Native Americans in Vinland and does battle with them, prompting Karlsefni to leave. Karlsefni then does battle with a Uniped before returning home to Greenland to produce no less than three important Bishops in his progeny.

In some way's Eirik's Saga is more compelling than the Grœnlendinga Saga because of the mystical and magical properties. In other ways it seems more outlandish. But, if you liked the Grœnlendinga Saga you will like Eirik's Saga. If you didn't like the Grœnlendinga Saga then you won't like Eirik's Saga. As always, I prefer Penguin Classics because of their in depth background checks and minimalistic yet classy covers.

Denmark takes over the European Union, green turns blue

Saxony Line I-XV

Last time as we were tromping around the hallowed halls of this mental construct loosely based upon the Chemnitz, Dresden and Leipzig union we call Saxony we discussed pancakes, and the danger of eating them. This post was the most viewed of all my one hundred and eleventieth posts. Thanks for that! In it we discussed the Danish West Indies so we'd thought we'd have a look at them Danes today.

Denmark took over as the President of the European Union yesterday and it faces a great number of challenges in the year ahead. There is question over the survival of the Euro. There are Euro skeptics about making noise, especially in Britain and France with Marine Le Pen and National Front. There is tension between the 17 euro zone members and the 10 others who are part of the European Union but don't use the euro. In the midst of all this the Danes took center stage and set forth their green agenda. The timing was a bit awkward though because on the day that Denmark took over the European Union, ushering in a green agenda, Vestas, the world's largest producer of wind energy announced that they were cutting 2,335 jobs. That makes the green very blue.

To be fair, Vestas is just another victim of the European sovereign debt crisis and there is nothing wrong with the model per se. Companies simply are being crushed by their governments' debts. Note to America... However, it ought to be a good year for the Danes in charge of the European Union. They are a northern country that tends to be better with their money than those pesky southerners. Hopefully we will see a bit of Copenhagen in places like Athens, Oporto, Madrid, Rome and further south. If this were to happen what could we expect?

Could we see Athenians trading their gyros and moussaka for a hearty Smørrebrød? Somehow though I don't see too many Greeks giving up their buttery and flakey deliciousness for a hunk of dense rye bread topped with salmon and roe.

Could we see the Casa da Música host Chris Minh Doky and his jazz stylings to see the sluggish Portuguese economy revive? Why not? The Casa da Música is one of Portugal's premier venues and an icon of the city that has Northern European touches already (it was designed by a Dutch architect).

Could we see Danish design and architecture take hold in the streets, buildings and hearts of madrileños? Would a row or two of Arne Jacobsen's Swan Chairs be inappropriate at the Temple of Debod? Would some Danish Functionalism blend well with the baroque the façade of Basílica of San Miguel? We'll say that Swan Chairs are appropriate in any location, including relocated Ancient Egyptian ruins in Spain, but that the minimalism of Functionalism would cause serious harm to Madrid's historical vistas.

Could we see a Renaissance of Gabriel Axel in Lazio, rolling down the peaks of the Tolfa Mountains and pouring out into the Maremma Laziale before entering the gates of Rome to receive his long due triumph? His movie Babbete's Feast could play out and a simple act of kindness repaid could cause a mystical reawakening of glorious proportions. We are unfortunately though realizing that if the Gabriel Axel Renaissance takes place in the land of Silvio Berlusconi it shan't be Babbete's Feast that leads the way but Gabriel Axel's manifesto to legalize pornography Det kære legetøj. We can already see the bunga bunga headlines.

Or could we even see a return of the Vikings just in time to crush the Somali pirates who look to choke the life out of the trading industry in the Indian Ocean? The Somalis would never be a match for Ragnar Lodbrok and his longships. The once reviled scourge of Rouen and Paris could atone for his heathen conquest of France and extract more than 7000 pounds of silver from the Somalis. Unleash thy fury and thy sons Ragnar - especially Ivar the Boneless. That man is terrifying. York still quakes in fear.

Who is this mysterious Colleen? Part II

Hanover Line I-XVI

Sweet sixteen. Thus far we have done a celebrated fifteen contemplations. Now we move our attention on to the sixteenth of seventy deliberations before the thought experiment that is the Hanover Line shall be made anew in jubilee. But last time on the Hanover Line we asked, who is this mysterious Colleen? We came to the conclusion that it was most definitely not Colleen Clinkenbeard and her devotion to the destruction of the American cartoon. We did not however answer the question in any sort of affirmative way. Maybe we shall do better this time.

While it was not Colleen Clinkenbeard, it could have been Colleen Ann Fitzpatrick. Sadly though, it was not as we could not fully support Colleen Ann Fitzpatrick, better known as Vitamin C unless it was time to graduate. And even then, after eleven years of being subjected to “Graduation (Friends Forever)” every May being sung by poorly trained high school glee clubs has begun to wear on audio sensory to the point of craving deprivation torture. As we go on, we remember all these... No! We cannot bring ourselves to it.

This would be an entirely negative post had it not been for my dedication to bringing the optimism (which you can still receive in your email, just click) and for the fact that “Graduation (Friends Forever)” is a welcome sound when compared to the hideous Billy Joe Armstrong's “Time of your life”. Tattoos and memories and dead skin on trial. What is this senseless scrawl? It was bad enough when Green Day performed it, but, come May every teenybopper trying to be the next Quinn is imitating the discordant and unintelligible words of that God forsaken song. It’s murderous on the ears. It is the awfulness of this song that has prevented our post about Colleen Ann Fitzpatrick from being entirely negative. Join us next time for the conclusion of Who is this mysterious Colleen? Part III, El Conclusivo.

Michael Jackson still inspires fierce loyalty

The sad and tragic death of Michael Jackson has landed his doctor, Conrad Murray in jail. He was convicted of involuntary manslaughter and was sentenced to the maximum penalty. He'll probably only serve two years in prison because of California's overcrowded prisons. That's an entirely different topic that we will not broach here. I'm opening enough cans already and want to stay away from California Penal System and the Concordat of Worms. Those are the only two topics that we won't touch on Leibnizian Ramblings. Everything else is fair game.

But the death of Michael Jackson sent shockwaves all over the world. Hikers on the incredibly remote Pico Duarte, the highest peak in the West Indies were told of the death. I know because that was where my fiancee was when she heard the news. While she was as upset as the rest of us, the mourning in France must have been unfathomable for fans. In fact, it caused such incredible suffering and mental anguish that fans of the late King of Pop are suing Conrad Murray for causing them such pain.

The case is set to be heard on April 11. The lawyer bringing the case is named Emmanuel Ludot who equated the loss of Michael Jackson to losing a childhood friend in a traffic accident. If Ludot wins the case in Orleans 100 members of the Michael Jackson Community are set to receive €10,000. If Ludot pulls this off I won't criticize the judicial system of France or even post about it. I'll be too busy joining every troubled entertainer's fan group looking to cash in at a later date.

Sensational Shapers 2012 - Culture Club

Last time on our Sensational Shapers series we profiled Xi Jinping and his crackdown on dissidence at Chinese Universities. If only Chinese dominance of the world extended as far as many politicians in America bemoaned Xi Jinping might have the power to stop the regrouping of the 80's sensation Culture Club.

First, Boy George will released a solo album on January 31, 2011 entitled Ordinary Allen. The pumping discotheque hammering coupled with the androgynous falsetto voice over of Boy George with semi-inspirational blurts like "give truth a virus" from the song "Don't wanna see myself" conjure up everything about the 80's that is despicable this side of Gordon Gekko. Boy George has lost none of his make-up artist skills. As today's youth are in such an impressionable and malleable state by anything they perceive as being worthy of being rehashed the new Culture Club album stands poised to impact the world in a dynamic way. It is this incredible danger that a new Culture Club album presents to the pliable youth culture that makes Culture Club a sensational shaper of 2012.

They're putting a new record together and are going to supplement it with a world tour. Be on the look out for heavily made up youths joining the ranks of the occupy movement screaming about preferring a cup of tea! Furthermore, yes, Boy George, Xi Jinping does really want to hurt you. He really wants to make you cry.

IKEA looks to stop the Hipsterification of Bulgaria

IKEA's store in Sofia, Bulgaria is only a few months old, having been opened in September of 2011. But it's 30,000 square feet of pure recruitment ground is paying dividends in the struggle against Urban Outfitters. But, nonetheless UO has gotten its hooks into young Bulgarians turning them hipster.

Gogol Bordello, a Manhattan based group (pictured above in the dirty hipster stash and grimy clothing) embraces Bulgarian traditions and gypsy stylings to give a hipster vibe that is popular amongst the hipsters in Bulgaria.

The Zydepunks, a New Orleans based group has commandeered traditional Bulgarian folk music, woven it with cajun and zydeco rhythmic gyrations and created hipster songs.

Unfortunately these American exports seem to be increasing UO's power inside of Bulgaria so IKEA must be extra vigilant. As if that wasn't bad enough, Sofia has its own hipster hot spot called "The Apartment". That's a picture of hipster scrawling at this place "where the cool kids hang out". IKEA has its work cut out for it in Bulgaria.

The Senegalese Donald Trump?

Youssou N'Dour, arguably Africa's most famous musician is going to try his hand at politics and has announced his attention to run for the presidency of Senegal. In addition to being a famous singer he has created a media empire that has produced one Senegal's most popular newspaper and has a strong following on his television and radio stations. Through this N'Dour has built up a wealth and a business that has observers calling him the fulfillment of the Senegalese version of the American Dream. Will his popularity vault him to the presidency? Can his business skills translate into political success?

Obviously Donald Trump and Herman Cain were unable to turn their business skills into political success. Wyclef Jean was unable to parlay his popularity to the Haitian presidency. But there are major distinctions between N'Dour and these three. First, for all of his wealth N'Dour has not alienated poorer Senegalese or appeared to be solely in things for his own gain and fame. Second, N'Dour is not mired in a sex scandal. And third, and most importantly, unlike Wyclef who left Haiti to live in America, N'Dour opened his media empire up in his home country and the modest area of Medina.

N'Dour faces a number of hurdles to overcome. Not all of his fans are certain that he can make the jump from music to politics. They wonder if a man, even as successful as N'Dour can or should ascend to the top of Senegalese politics without even a high school diploma. There is also a number of experienced politicians he will have to defeat en route to the presidency. The man that casts the biggest shadow in this regard is the incumbent, Abdoulaye Wade.

Abdoulaye Wade has been president since 2000 and prior to this he was a leading opposition figure in the country for two and a half decades. At 85, his age is a much debated topic in Senegal. There is also a statute that calls for two terms only for the president. Abdoulaye Wade claims that since the law was passed after he was in office it does not apply to him. This also has created a lot of debate. Regardless of the outcome though, N'Dour's involvement is likely to bring along more attention and focus to the election from the African Union and beyond. Hopefully this will squelch any chance of a tainted election. If N'Dour's candidacy achieves that, it will be a success.

IKEA continues to protect us from Hipsters and the UO Domination

Marsden Park, New South Wales is rejoicing this day as they look back on the year 2011. According to the Rouse Hill Times. The building of IKEA is the 19th top story of 2011 for this suburb of Sydney. This comes as good news to all of us who rely on IKEA to stop the growth of the evil empire. It is especially good news for the Aussies in this dangerous time.

Down under hipsterdom items like nonprescription eyeglasses, ironic sweaters, handlebar mustaches and greasy hair are trends that are growing in popularity at an alarming rate. Cut Copy have toured throughout Australia spreading the gospel of rehashed Depeche Mode soundscapes with a bit of monotoned depression. If you are in the vicinity of Gisborne, New Zealand they played a concert there yesterday (today still where I am in the world). Be on the look out for listlessly meandering teens and twenty-somethings in skinny jeans and flannels driving back to the garage apartments at their parent's suburban two-story, four bedroom houses. You'll notice them because on the way home they'll be trying to turn the Gisborne Botanical Gardens into the world's greatest lomography studio in the world.

But, I digress. Today bears good, optimistic news. Aussies and Kiwis need not fret over the hipsters because IKEA is valiantly work to curb the growing prowess of the evil empire and stymie hipsterdom where ever it rears its ugly head. Congratulations Marsden Park. Welcome to the revolution.

On another positive note, I was scanning the Internet for IKEA sightings when I came across a gem on Kijiji. A man was looking to unload some top notch IKEA swag near Barrie, Ontario. He posted that he was selling an IKEA couch for $75 Canadian dollars. He said that the economic, yet minimalist classic worthy of any good post-modern artist was located in Utopia. Of course it is. Of course it is.

Bennifer, 7 years on

Saxony Line I-IX

Last time on our journey through the mind of Saxony we gave a concise history of Carson, CA. During our investigation we discovered prancing ponies, defeated marines, Dr. Dre and the gift that continues to give long after its death, Bennifer. So I thought it might be a good opportunity to ask, where are Ben and Jen these days?

Ben is working on branching out in doing something he has never done before. He has an upcoming biopic about Whitey Bulger. For those of you unfamiliar with this character, Bulger was a Boston gangster responsible for murders, loan sharking, racketeering and a litany of RICO worthy offenses. Obviously this will be a step outside of Ben's comfort zone to play in a movie about Boston and crime. If that was stretching him enough he's teaming up with Matt Damon, someone he's never worked with before. The movie could be something completely new for us.

Meanwhile Jennifer is talking marriage with her new beau. Like Affleck, she is taking time to do something she's never done before, a whirlwind romance. It's incredible that her busy schedule, what with all those successful Fiat commercial endeavors she's been a part of recently, to find time to kindle romance. In a strange twist I have heard that their first dance will be Pitbull's song Rain Over Me, ironically featuring Marc Anthony.

The T.R.I.B.E rides deep, so deep you might drown.

Saxony Line I-VIII

Last time we spoke about the difference between common decency and political correctness. It wasn't our best post. It was just what we were feeling at the moment. But, we needn't travel very far for the continuation of the illustrious Saxony Line of pure thought experiment. Sticking in Carson, California we have found a topic that has piqued our interest, whetted our appetites and made us want to share with you - the faithful reader of the ramblings of a reinvigorated 17th century philosopher of note.

Carson is a city in Los Angeles County with an unique history. There are two anecdotes I wish to relate to you to further your well-rounded education. First, is the Battle of the Old Woman's Gun. It was fought between the Californio Lancers and the US Marines on October 8-9, 1846. The Marines outnumbered the Californios 4-1 but the Lancers galloped their horses on the dusty Dominguez Hills while running back and forth between their canons. The 200 marines thought they had run into a much larger force and ended up retreating back to the sea. The reason it is called the Battle of the Old Woman's Gun is because like Hollywood nowadays, Californians have a penchant for dramatizing everything. Remember this is the same state that brought us movies based on the riveting history of the Johnson County Wars (Heaven's Gate), the fascinating cult that is Scientology (Battlefield Earth) and Bennifer (Gigli - even Ben's lost interest).

The second fascinating point of history of Carson is a spy who struck it rich with oil. Frederick Russell Burnham was a spy caught up in the with Fritz Duquense of the Duquesne Spy Ring. In true Hollywood style Burnham bested his rival after the second Boer war, moved to California and stuck those same dusty Dominguez Hills the Californios and their prancing ponies had used to best the Marines in 1846. So that is the truncated, uh, I mean, concise history of Carson, California. All the main points. Also, Carson has had a number of notable rappers live in its confine. Dr. Dre, The Game, Ras Kass, Bishop Lamont and most importantly Boo-Ya T.R.I.B.E.

The T.R.I.B.E rides deep, so deep you might drown.

Come, come, we don't play guitar.

Hanover Line I-V

Last time on the Hanover Line we spoke about the voxpop of hipsterdom. So, this week comes some news to brighten any hipster, closeted hipster or hipster curious human being, which is incidentally anyone who has purchased something from the evil genius that is Urban Outfitters or decried UO as a bastion of plastic, suburbanite indoctrination (every American between the ages of 15-33 falls into one of these categories. Hipsters love and hate UO. Love, because of their product lines. Hate, because of their mass production tendencies. Hipster curious loves UO because of its mass production and relative ease of purchase. Some like the ideas of hipsterism, just not the prerequisite of shopping at difficult to find thrift shops.)

However, at the risk of losing all of my well worked indie cred by picking on hipsters I have just popped in the lossless of Max Alper's untitled improvisation. He's so damn deck he doesn't even have a wikipedia article.

As I was saying before I was sidetracked by my needless explanations and qualifications and the self aggrandizing homage to musical genius, a voice has arisen out of the hipster kingdom that is Williamsburg, Brooklyn only to retreat back into the murky shadows of places like the Trash Bar, which I knew back when it was Luxx. (Hipsters and hipster curious will understand my glee at knowing a dive bar that hosts under appreciated musical talents before anyone else).

The Suzan just played a show at the Big Snow Buffalo Lodge where they announced their coming in the most riveting girl-powered sonicscape since Chicks on Speed told us that they don't play guitars. Check them both out. They will probably save your life.