No biggie, we'll just blow it up further

By now you have probably seen the photo of Arizona Governor Jan Brewer and President Obama. If not, we have it right there for you to see. The argument and/or finger pointing stemmed from the way Jan Brewer retold an incident between she and President Obama in her book. She described it in a way that painted the President to be cold and aloof, after initially saying something complete different.

Governor Brewer later would say that she felt a little intimidated by the President. Governor Brewer said that the President was being "professorial" and "condescending". If you look at the picture you can get that vibe from it. But, if the picture had been reported to the tune of "President Obama and Governor Brewer spar over the Phoenix Suns vs. Chicago Bulls game" you would get that vibe as well. However, President Obama has said that the row was no big deal. Unfortunately, the way he said it comes off "condescending" and patronizing. "I think it's always good publicity for a Republican if they're in an argument with me", President Obama said, adding, "But this was really not a big deal". The President has charm and charisma to spare. But, when he uses them from time to time it can come off condescending. That is not to place all of the blame on his shoulders, Governors need to have a bit of decorum in public and wagging your finger in front of someone else, let alone the president breaks that mannerly code. But, we shall place more blame on the buzz being stirred by the press over the incident with the introduction of racism. The picture is open to interpretation and if you want to go out of your way to making it out to be somehow racist, you can.

Joy Ann-Reid wrote an article questioning what she could be intimidated by. She pulls out the white woman was afraid of the black man meme while criticizing the unfair black man is threatening meme. Of course racism exists and too often are men (and women) of color discriminated against. This was not such a case though, or at least we cannot possibly get that from a picture without a little invention on our parts.

Charles Blow, a New York Times columnist tweeted "Brewer said she felt 'a little bit threatened' by the President - CNN < Oh my. Was it his sagging pants or the way he was eyeing ur purse..."

The blogger New Black Woman wrote: "Sigh... really, Jan Brewer, threatened by a super, skinny intellectual black man serving as president of the United States? Nothing like the convenience of using the big, scary black man stereotype to excuse one's racism and lack of deference to the person holding the highest office in the land..."

Mr. Blow's rhetoric is about as helpful and insightful as many of my posts. It takes quick perception shots and creates a whole story around them. This is fine, but that is why we've posted our blog as entertainment and satire. We don't pretend to be newsmen. Ok, we do, so we're being hypocritical. But, in response to the New Black Woman's quote, you have used a stereotype to accuse Jan Brewer. There was certainly a pretty inexcusable lack of deference for President Obama by Governor Brewer, but to assume that she was intimidated by the color of his skin would be as ignorant as someone being intimidated by skin color in this century.

However, if Governor Brewer did this as a stunt to promote her book (which we won't name here in case she did, we don't want to give her the satisfaction), then she is an evil genius and no amount of optimism can be injected to cure such blatant cynicism.

Justice Sotomayor, Guam and Puerto Rico

Associate Justice Sonia Sotomayor has traveled to Guam to swear in some lawyers, one of whom is named Perfecto T. Gallman. We know nothing about this individual other than he has a great name. On her trip though Justice Sotomayor drew some parallels between Guam and Puerto Rico. Justice Sotomayor is of Puerto Rican descent and knows the ins and outs of the ceaseless debate over what Puerto Ricans want and/or do not want and/or might not want now but will later.

Guam and Puerto Rico both share a special unincorporated status within the United States. Puerto Rico has more independence in their governance, but both territories struggle with the same basic options: the status quo, full independence, or statehood. There are also people in Guam who would like to join Hawaii and gain statehood in that fashion. Statehood would give the the people of Guam and Puerto Rico more voice in national politics. But, it wold also come with more centralized controls.

For now though Justice Sotomayor makes a good point. She, and we are paraphrasing, states that the choices of the citizens of the two territories ought to be the deciding factor. These should come in an evolutionary fashion and not a revolutionary way. This way no hasty decisions are made and annexation, long out of fashion, makes a comeback. However, that said, the fifty stars could use a sprucing up. It's been stuck at that number for 53 years. A new star or too might brighten the mood in the ol' US of A.

The Tea Party Caucus - Todd Akin

Todd Akin, the Tea Party Republican representative from Missouri has found himself in the midst of a emotionally charged debate. A member of the US Army named Chazray Clark was wounded passed away in Afghanistan because the medevac chopper that was flying in to rescue him had no armed escort. A blogger named Michael Yon, was embedded with the unit and has spoke out about arming the medevac squad.

Todd Akin has stepped in to give his opinion on the matter, saying, "Any policy commitment that would impede even a single wounded soldier or Marine from receiving medical care in the least amount of time possible is simply unacceptable”.

Medeveac units don't carry weapons because of the complex rules of war set forth by the Geneva Conventions. But, Akin argues that the Taliban and other terrorists do not play by those rules and thus, they do not apply. While it would be wrong to call Akin a means-justifies-the-ends type of guy this is a slippery slope. No soldiers should be placed in the way of undo harm, but if a superpower were to ignore the Geneva Convention simply because the enemy does not, the results could be disastrous.

We here at the Leibnizian Ramblings blog have no satire for this grave post. We merely wish to express our condolences to the family of the soldier whose life was lost. We do however, want to maintain our optimism and hope and pray that a resolution to the Afghanistan problem is in the making currently. America must take the moral high ground and protect its soldiers. We understand the delicate balance that this entails and do not offer and easy solutions. We caution against throwing the rules of engagement out, but likewise do not advocate leaving someone to die unnecessarily. As the conflict in Afghanistan continues to evolve, the United States must maintain its place as the moral center in this war, otherwise all that Chazray Clark fought for will have been in vain.

Crocodile Tears No More

John Boehner has long been known as a crier. It seems that his tears come at politically opportune times though. This has led to a great deal of cynicism surrounding his emotional status. Of course, we are not nearly as famous as he is so when we cry it is not debated on the seven o'clock news. Therefore, we shall suspend our judgment.

However, when Gabrielle Giffords announced her resignation there was a cease-fire of sorts to John Boehner's show of emotions. He, like many other represantatives, was emotional at the scene. Mrs. Giffords, the democratic representative from Arizona, was part of the brutal attack on January 8th of last year. She announced this week that she would resign from office. This moved many to tears. John Boehner can be called an opportunist on many occasions, but this one may have been genuine. If not, then he is truly a cold and calculating politician.

Ronaldinho can't catch his breath

Ronaldinho and his Flamengo were defeated by a score of 2-1 by Bolivia's Real Potosí.

Flamengo is one of the storied franchises of Brazil. The day that it was founded is celebrated as a National Holiday. In 1981, they shut out the mighty Liverpool 3-0 to become World Champions on the back of play by the incredible Raul Plassman, Leandro, Carlos Mozer, Jorge Luís Andrade, and one of the greats, Zico. It was in that same year that they won their one and only Copa Libertadores (the top international South American tournament). But in 2012's rendition they lost a humiliating first game against lowly Real Potosí.

Real Potosí had one key advantage over Flamengo, one of the greatest home field advantages in sports. Real Potosí plays in the Estadio Víctor Agustín Ugarte. While 32,000 screaming fans would be enough to intimidate any of the Brazilian greats, its location at 3,960 meters above sea level makes it the penultimate castle upon the hill. Flamengo trained for a week at the high altitude, but it was to no avail.

Real Potosí can and should celebrate this victory as it was a true David and Goliath affair. But Flamengo gets them back home in Rio de Janiero to finish the tie. Unless Real Potosí can conjur up some incredible magic, it is likely that they will return home only with their moral victory.

Zombie Capitalism

It is the year 2012 and apocalypse is on the lips of everyone. Whether the end comes from the ancient Mayans, street corner preachers like Harold Camping or Zombies, eschatology is making a nice showing this year. Now, ingenious capitalists are looking profit from your fear.

The Zombie Apocalypse store in Las Vegas has all of your end of the world needs covered. It has bullets and machetes. It has do it yourself videos for sale. It has a gourmet food section so you can fill your bunker in case of the grim end. It also has gold and silver for where the currency markets implode in the wake of zombie pressure. One can never have enough bullion in the house for our liking. Maybe you want to make a fashion statement out of everyone's misery? It's got you covered with zombified Hello Kitty apparel. Basically, the Zombie Apocalypse store is the end all, be all you need. Don't wait until the end though or it will be like trying to shop at Walmart right before a major snowstorm hits the Midwest. There will be long lines of hoarders selfishly guarding enough milk to pour in a thousand saucers and so much bread that everything will be stale before the snow even melts. Which reminds us, why in the world do we go for only bread and milk if we truly think we're going to be snowed in for weeks? Is that really what humans need to survive?

Botswana amateurs holding their own against the pros

The African Cup of Nations is full of stars.

Gabon has five players that play in the top league of French Football, Ligue 1.

Mali has a player in the top flight in Greece, one in Germany and 8 in Ligue 1 of France.

Guinea has a player in the top leagues in Turkey, Switzerland, Belgium and Spain with two in Germany's Bundesliga and two in Ligue 1.

Morocco has a player in Germany and in the Scottish league. Two in Turkey, Italy, Russia and England including Marouane Chamakh who plays for Arsenal. It also has four players in the top French league.

Senegal has 9 players plying their trade in the top French clubs, 4 in England including the goal scoring machine for Newcastle United, Demba Ba. It also has two who play in Turkey and 1 in Spain and Denmark.

Burkina Faso has one a piece in Russia, England and Turkey respectively and five who play in France.

Côte d'Ivoire is stacked with one a piece in Belgium and the Netherlands, two in Russia and Germany. It has three players in the Turkish top league and five players in Ligue 1. It has an incredible six players in England including Yaya Touré, Salomon Kalou, Gervinho and is captained by Didier Drogba.

Ghana has five who play in France and three who play in Italy. It also has one a piece in Belgium, Germany, the Netherlands, England and Turkey.

Tunisia has two a piece in Turkey and Switzerland, three in Germany and four that play in France.

Zambia has a player in the top Swiss league. Niger has one in the French Ligue 1.

Neither Libya nor Sudan have players in Europe.

But, Botswana has sixteen amateurs on their squad. In spite of this they played a match against Ghana that could have easily been 1-1, but was a valiant effort in 1-0 loss. Botswana is still poised to make some noise and win won for the little guys. In a tournament that has already seen Equatorial Guinea into the final eight, this is not out of the realm of possibilities.

Urban Outfitters hipsterfies Disney

Unlike IKEA, which is working to educate children the world over to give them a more enriched life, Urban Outfitters is looking to destroy the minds of children by turning them into hipsters.

Cinderella has appropriated Native American culture for her own freedom of expression like that evil Gretchen from Project Runway Season 8.

Pocahontas is wearing Native American garb to be ironic - BUT IT ISN'T IRONIC!! Learn the meaning of irony hipster.

Snow White looks like she has become indifferent to all of the animals. Her haircut shows solidarity with the dwarves though. They are definitely little hipsters with the beards and the tuque caps and all. Ok, Snow White becoming a hipster was inevitable because of her contact with the little woodsman hipsters. Ironically we think that the seven dwarves live in Portland now, renting out an ironic little apartment in Humboldt.

Ariel has a top that looks like fish's tail. That is clever. Very ironic. No one would have ever thought of that. You are so ingenious. We pale in comparison with your witticisms. We bow and worship at your feet. You sir, or lady, whomever has created this masterpiece are the epitome of satire.

We won't comment on Tiana. It is not because we don't have anything witty to say. It is not because of any thing deep or profound, only that we have not seen the movie and would rather withhold judgment until we have.

IKEA is doing it for the kids

Once again we have been justified in our choice as IKEA to be our knight in shining armor against the evil that comes from Philadelphia, that evil which shan't be named but rhymes with Turban Poutnitters.

IKEA has raised $16.2 million dollars for UNICEF and Save The Children through the sale of their "soft toys". Since 2003 when this campaign of good began, IKEA has raised over $61 million dollars. The money goes to fund education in underprivileged areas around the globe. It buys supplies and trains teachers how to work. All in all IKEA is doing great work, while battering Evil to the point of non-recognition.

Equatorial Guinea through Round 1, No Equatorial Guineans playing

Equatorial Guinea defeated Senegal 2-1 yesterday. Kily Álvarez smashed the goal that Senegal back home and advanced "The National Lightning" through to the final eight. Equatorial Guinea's Brazilian coach Gilson Paulo was delighted with the win. The team is however made up in its near entirety of people born outside of Equatorial Guinea.

Of the three Keepers, one was born in Brazil, one in Cameroon, but the reserve keeper, Felipe Ovono was born in Equatorial Guinea.

The defense has four Spaniards, including the aforementioned Kily, an Ivorian, a Liberian and José Bokung, born and bred Equatoguinean - He didn't dress for the win over Senegal.

In the midfield there is a Nigerian, a treble of Cameroonian players, a Colombian, an Ivorian and a Spanish co-captain.

Up front there are five Spaniards, including the captain and another Cameroonian.

Obviously the 10 Spaniards would have a rough go at getting into the Spanish 1st team. We aren't quite sure how the Colombian ended up in the mix other that Spanish is spoken in both nations. But the other country's players couldn't make it into their home side. They're now getting to show the countries of Côte d'Ivoire, Liberia, Cameroon and Nigeria what they missed out on as Equatorial Guinea goes on. Only Côte d'Ivoire who is in the mix has a chance to show they made the right decision.

So why does everyone want to come play for Equatorial Guinea? Other than the chance to play international football, the President Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo loves his football. He paid the national team over $1,000,000 when they defeated Libya. The question now is, how much he will pay them now that they have advanced?

SPLOST Tax and Sebastian Bach with the Cowboy Junkies?

Way back when, in December we were cutting our teeth on how to blog. We blogged about SPLOST Taxes, if you remember SPLOST are special purpose local-option sales tax where the population gets to vote on whether or not to pay a tax for something. We thought it might be time for us to think about what things we would like to vote on whether or not to pay taxes for.

1. The U.S. Government gave some people with a lot of letters behind their names at Columbia University $606,000 to do a study on the effects of online dating. We would like a chance to do a study on the trend moving to dating over the iPhone and whether or not someone who uses an Android is compatible with an iPhone user. For $600K we could even do a follow up on whether or not modern Blackberry users will end up as spinsters with a dozen cats. However, if we are not to be awarded this chunk of change, then we would like to vote no on this spending.

2. The U.S. Government gave $55,660 to Kriemhild Dairy Farms to pay for packaging for their butter. This definitely should have gotten the people's approval. It would have been acceptable for Country Crock, but anything else is Government waste.

3. Ottawa paid $83,000 to promote a Bluegrass festival in New Richmond. Considering that Bluegrass is a southern Appalachian phenomena, Quebec possessing a small bit of the mountain range is no reason to drop that kind of cheddar by the government. The only feasible reason for Ottawa to shell out $83,000 to promote a music festival would be if it featured Sebastian Bach fronting for the Cowboy Junkies. Then it would be justifiable.

1300 years of Bulgaria in Шумен, Šumen, or Shumen

Шумен, Šumen or otherwise known as Shumen is the tenth largest city in Bulgaria. We only mention this because we are in the habit of rehashing old posts, we mean clarifying things we said in older posts. All of our posts are credible and new material and we would never pander to our most popular posts to drive revenues, we mean readership. But alas, we mentioned the statue of 1300 years of Bulgaria and its cubism structure in a post about a little known American-German artist named Lyonel Feininger.

We mentioned the statue because it is what we think of ourselves. But, in reality it is a long tradition of Bulgarian art, see from the Icon of St. Theodor there in the picture that cubism has existed for much longer than we thought in Bulgaria. Never mind that the depreciation of the work of art is largely responsible for the squarish patterns on the parchment. We shall give credit to Bulgaria to being a precursor to cubism.

The monument was built in 1981 to commemorate the 1300 years of time passage since the formation of the first Bulgarian Empire. This empire was founded when the Bulgars, a Turkic and Scythian people group teamed up with seven South Slavic tribes. They became a force to reckon with and crushed their way into Pannonia, battle against the Arabs in defense of Constantinople and then had their own successes against the power of the city of Constantine. At the height of their power they possessed lands in Balkans and into northern Greece, parts of modern day Turkey and northern lands into Hungary and of course, Bulgaria.

The Golden age was during the reign of Simeon the Great (893 - 927 A.D.). Simeon went to war with and defeated powerful groups like the Serbs, the Magyars and the might of Constantinople. While the Christianization of Bulgaria had taken place earlier, under Simeon many Christian works were copied into Slavic languages, paving the way for the Christianization of Eastern Europe. Simeon the Great has been compared to Charlemagne, the French Historian Alfred Nicolas Rambaud wrote, "Simeon was the Bulgarian Charlemagne, but he was better educated than our Charles the Great and much greater than him".

Sadly after Simeon passed away the power of Bulgaria waned and a resurgent and rather put out Constantinople pushed back. The complete fall of the First Empire of Bulgaria occurred when the Byzantine Empire defeated the Bulgarians at the Battle of Kleidion in 1014. Basil II or Basil Bulgaroktonos (Bulgar killer in Greek) line the Bulgarian army in rows of 100. He killed 99 of the Bulgarians and blinded the eye of the remaining 1. Upon seeing the decimation of his army, the last ruler of the first Empire of Bulgaria, Samuil had a heart attack and died.

So, why was the statue placed in the city Shumen? Shumen was the capital of Simeon the Great's Bulgaria. It was eventually taken by the Ottoman Turks and was a minor city for nearly 400 years. Then the Russians tried to wrest it from the hands of the Ottomans three times, all unsuccessfully. Then in the early 19th century Shumen became a place for Bulgarian nationalistic tendencies. At the end of the 19th century Shumen fell to Russia and became a part of the Principality of Bulgaria, which would become the Kingdom of Bulgaria, which would become the People's Republic of Bulgaria, and then finally, the modern Republic of Bulgaria.

The Monument of 1300 Years of Bulgaria is a huge artistic achievement. It is also the only statue to tell the entire history of a nation from its founding to the present day. Obviously, Mount Rushmore is entirely lacking when put into context.

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Sensational Shapers 2012 - Maya Pakal

Black storm rises. That is what the glyph tells us. That is what the doomsday calendar tells us. Black storm cometh. The end of the age is upon us. December 21, 2012 is nearly nigh.

It is for this reason that one of our Sensational Shapers is none other than K'inich Janaab' Pakal, the Sun Shield, Ajaw, 8 Ahau and many other names, important to us as Pacal the Great. His sarcophagus was so ornate that it was decided by semi-scientists and pseudoarcheologists the world over that he came forth and went by way of the chariot of the gods. Some claimed that this was because of his relationship with an alien super race that came but we know differently. He is the end of the age.

Pacal is Votan. Pacal Votan, the Jaguar god of darkness has been preparing himself for the end of this cycle. On December 21, he shall come forth and bear his teeth. The earth will shake with violence and those who have no roots in Mayan religion (meaning anyone who isn't making stuff up and calling it Mayan New Age or Mormons) shall have cause to panic. The belly of the beast that is the earth will open agape and swallow the wicked step children of the sea. Terror shall flash in ways we have not seen since the Titans raged against Zeus almighty.

Wait, we have been interrupted by those who think that our blending of myth is inappropriate. Therefore, we must step back to illuminate you. Votan, the mythical god of Mesoamerica in pre-Columbian times. However, Votan shares a strange affinity with the Anglo-Saxon and West-Germanic god Woden a high god who happened to favor the Lombards over the Vandals. But as Christianity spread he was chased from end to end in Europe until he finally arrived in Phoenicia. There he set sail and came to the Americas, defeated a tribe called the Quiname and built the great city of Palenque. Palenque is the city from which Pacal the Great ruled, thus Pacal is Votan (and Woden and though we don't have the space for this, Father Christmas and the Roman god Mercury).

Considering that Pakal is set to come back and end the world as we know it, he most definitely is a Sensational Shaper for the year 2012, or the year 1 on the next Mayan cyclical circles calendar.

Clearly Unassailable Resources:

Charles Étienne Brasseur de Bourbourg - a 19th century Atlantis scholar

José Argüelles - New Age spiritualist that brilliantly interlaced ancient Mayan calendar and I Ching into a numerology of note

A profile of Tuvalu

We here at Leibnizian Ramblings consider ourselves to be on par with Reuters and the BBC and The Onion. We have the conciseness of Reuters, the breadth of BBC and the sardonic genius of the Onion, making us a superblog. We are an island unto ourselves. Yep, you understand us and all our grandiose nature.

It is for this reason that we are copying the BBC trend and profiling Tuvalu.

Tuvalu is an archipelago of nine islands that is having to deal with increasing salinity. The country makes money by having official relations with Taiwan and selling its domain name to a Californian company. In addition to this, it has a wealth of coconuts. If they ever decide to make a sequel to Castaway, we will be the first to recommend filming on one of the nine islands of Tuvalu.

Basically, Tuvalu, one of the least populated countries in the world is made up of Palagi (non-Samoan inhabitants). Considering that description fits most of the world because most of us are not Samoan, that description is entirely inadequate to describing this country's inhabitants. Thanks for nothing Wikipedia....

Tuvalu culture is basically Polynesian in substance. The most fascinating part of that is what are known as work songs. Work songs are sung by women to encourage the men to work. Work songs have played an important role in many cultures. They helped men on ships and slaves (as well as many other things). I for one am in favor of this. I would love to have a Tuvaluan woman singing for me as I write this blog. Sadly though, the only sound I here are my fat fingers banging too hardly upon the Mac keyboard. It would not count as music, unless you happen to be a Dadaist. Even then though, it would be a stretch...

The Tea Party Caucus - Mike Pence

Mike Pence has made a recent trip to Middletown, America. Middletown, America is Muncie, Indiana, a sleepy little town in the Midwest in between Indianapolis and Fort Wayne along I-69. Muncie is home to Ball State University and used to be the epicenter for the Ball Jar empire. Middletown, America received a lot of attention from businesses and politicians throughout the years because it was seen as a breeding ground for what the Midwest liked and disliked. Since the Ball brothers left though it has dwindled in size and importance. But for Hoosiers, Muncie still represents the paradigm of Indiana residents. Indiana, though a landlocked state with not much international prominence has still produced its fair share of importance. Just look at the current Republican battle for the presidential nomination and the wishing for My Man Mitch (the governor of Indiana) and you can understand the importance of this small town.

Mike Pence is looking for the nomination to Indiana's governorship and he met with the financial players of Muncie recently. While these businessmen command way less national prominence than the Ball Brothers did in the heyday of the movie Hoosiers (it highlights the little town of Milan, IN upsetting the perennial favorites Muncie Central in the annual hoops tournament), the prominence of Middletown has not diminished. Muncie is still the quintessential little town in America in a swing state.

Mitch Daniels was wished for to be a contender against the Obama Machine in 2012. He decided not to run of the election, which is wise considering the fact that Republicans really don't stand a chance for the White House in 2012. If, as expected, President Obama wins the election this year, it could be that two Hoosiers grace the presidential ticket in 2016. A Mitch Daniels and Mike Pence ticket in four years could upend more than a few folding chairs. It would be more excitement than Indiana has seen since Tippaecanoe and Tyler too!!! Why in the world is this important?

It's not in 2012, but it will be in 2016. If the world doesn't come to a complete halt in December of this year, the election of Mike and Mitch could be a windfall for true conservatism. Mitch and Mike are unabashedly Republican and their election would recenter the balance in Washington. While we don't make endorsements here, we make predictions. Mike Pence's little meeting at Minestrista will have deep implications of national politics four years from now. So you can tell your friends and family that the President in 2024 will be Mike Pence barring some catastrophe. That is the Tea Party's goal, 2024. After the Mayan, Zombie and Hipster apocalypse, the Tea Party can come to power and fix all that ails America. That, subsequently will be the same year that the Shi'ite Muslims elect Sarah Palin as their head. It will truly be a Tea Party year!

Liverpool through to the Carling Cup Final

We'll expose ourselves as a fan of Liverpool. We jumped for joy when Craig Bellamy hit the decisive goal at 74 minutes to oust Manchester City in the Carling Cup. We get it, it's only the Carling Cup. But, it's a cup and it means Liverpool are at Wembley. Sixteen years since Wembley. It has been a long and painful sixteen years.

Manchester United has since become the dominant force in English football in the sixteen year absence. Sir Alex Ferguson has completely redrawn the map of English football. We have hurt with every Liverpool loss and burned with every Manchester United victory. But now, we have a chance at a simple redemption. Victory at Wembley will not make it all better, but it will help to soothe our rage.

We'll admit it. Craig Bellamy is on our Fifa Squad for Wycombe Wanderers. (We like to start in League 2 and work our way up). However, our best goal scorer is Raul Meireles. We were saddened by his departure. But, our favorite is the Dutchmen Dirk Kuyt. His work ethic is unquestionably the greatest we have on the squad and if or rather when King Kenny sells him we will mourn as if we lost a close relative. We shan't forget though. But, for now, we shall bask in the victory over the endless and bottomless wallet that is Manchester City and pray for a victory at Wembley.

Zombies with apps. Yikes!

We shall be forthcoming about one of our most sensitive issues. We struggle with late night eating. The fact that it is 11 pm where we are currently writing makes this all the more telling. If we stay up much longer to post, we shall fail in our diet and eat a late night snack. Thank goodness though we are not in Des Moines, Iowa. Not only are we thankful we are not in Des Moines, Iowa because of the late snack buffet, but because Des Moines, Iowa is Des Moines Iowa. It simply is not a hot spot for intellectual activity. We mean no offense to the residents of Iowa, but the caucuses are done and your moment in the spotlight is over. See you again in 2016.

But, we have a soft spot for late night snacking. Thank goodness we are not in Des Moines because they have to contend with Zombie Burger. We are a sucker for a good burger. The best is Carrito Moshe in Jarabacoa, Dominican Republic, but they closed an hour ago. We have nothing but vegetables and pasta here in the apartment. We don't crave vegetables and we are too lazy to make pasta. We designed it this way. Also we had our own little Epic Meal Time adventure last night with some friends and shan't eat for a week to recover from the caloric intake.

Zombie burger would be your regular run of the mill Midwestern food joint had it not been for their innovation. They have come up with an app that has aided their business. We are envious. While we may have invented infinitesimal calculus independently from the English thief, we simply do not understand android programming well enough to produce a Leibnizian Ramblings blog app. But, in addition to streamlining the crowded experience, Zombie Burger hopes to bombard its app users with promotional offers through their ingenious app technology. We on the other hand have to troll the web to look for places we can spam. If only we had the knowhow to create an app or the direct line with Steve Jobs we once had.

Gerhard Richter continues to make Sothebys wealthy

Gerhard Richter, our favorite painter from Dresden continues to make the auction house Sotheby's rich beyond the dreams of Solomon. Richter sold two paintings this year in route to a boon for Sotheby's $1.17 Billion dollar sales in Contemporary Art. His "Eis" (ICE) will sell for £2–3 million. His "Abstraktes Bild 'Rot'" will sell for £2.5–3.5 million respectively. We here at Leibnizian Ramblings would settle for a print. Please donate to our optimism cause so that we can purchase a Gerhard Richter piece, forgery or otherwise. If you don't optimism will die and you will live forever in the pessimism that cripples the very soul...

An Obligatory post on the State of the Union

At one point in his speech President Obama said, “Most Americans are thinking the same thing right now: Nothing will get done this year.” One thing that certainly shall not come to pass this year is President Obama's sweeping tax reforms.

President Obama kept harping on fairness and greater income equality. This was largely rebuffed by Republicans as wealth redistribution. Regardless of the merits of the arguments or counter arguments it points to the fact that the American government is still deeply divided over taxes. Considering that America was largely founded because of not wanting to pay taxes this should hardly be surprising.

Let's face the facts. Nobody likes to pay taxes. When tax season comes around it is generally a depressing time. More so for those who make the most money because they have to pay the most. We aren't talking about percentages here. 10% of of $25,000 is $2500 and a burden to those who make so little. But 10% of $2,500,000 amounts to people having to write a check for $250,000 dollars and regardless of how much you make that hurts to write. We know. We've seen pictures on Flickr.

Given this revelation that we've just dropped on you, we figure we ought to look at what $250,000 dollars could buy if it weren't wasted in paying taxes to a government that will argue over how to spend it to the point that the money will inevitably end up as salary for some bureaucrat somewhere, probably in China. I learned that from Glenn Beck's monumental work entitled Scare Tactics 101.

$250,000 can buy you the steering wheel and gearshift of a Bugatti Veyron.

$250,000 could buy you an experience in which you give out hundred pound notes to the homeless in Manchester with Mario Balotelli. In other Italian news it could buy you twenty minutes at one of Silvio Berlusconi's parties.

$250,000 could buy you 25 or more houses in Detroit, though the property taxes would be prohibitive.

$250,000 could buy you one thousand shares (give or take) of National Bank of Greece. If Europe can satisfactorily avoid a Greek default this investment could make you a millionaire many times over. If not, you could use the shares as wallpaper for your 25 Detroit houses.

$250,000 could be spent in record time by Terrell Owens. It would make your head spin to see him rifle through the cash.

If you and 19 of your friends got together you could bet against Birdman's $5,000,000 bet on the Patriots to win the Superbowl. My gosh that is a gambling problem....

Or, if you are like me, you could purchase 125,000 copies of the Kindle version of the Monadology by your philosopher of note.

It seems as though we must wear the hair shirt tonight....

Thank you Najm Hichri!

Saxony Line I-XIX

Last time we discovered that Starbucks was going to serve alcohol at a few select stores. This was so popular that we received a "like" on our Facebook post! We would like to personally thank Najm Hichri for liking our post. It is much appreciated. Since it was a liked post we thought we would continue to explore what the alcohol and Starbucks coffee mixture would bring to the world.

Bob in anticipation posted that he hopes that the alcohol will be served near him.

The Swedes and the Irish have long been known to mix coffee and alcohol to good effect.

The Swedes introduced coffee to vodka in the most basic and excellent of recipes I have ever seen back in 1795. It read like this "Put a coin in a cup. Pour on coffee till you can no longer see the coin. Pour on vodka till you can see the coin again.” Considering that the Swedes were slowly getting the snot kicked out of them by the upstart Russian Tsars in the late 18th century it is no surprise that they turned to drinking Vodka with their coffee. That way they could have a pick me up as they were getting knocked down.

The Irish though are the true connoisseurs of alcoholic coffee. January 25th is National Irish Coffee day. So to celebrate I will be combining coffee, whiskey and cream to commiserate with the Irish in their times of austerity. Afterwards I will throw back a pint of Guinness and take in a hurling match.

A Kind Thank You

While it happened yesterday, we wanted to thank you all for helping boost our visits to over 1,000. In only 149 posts we've managed to get a readers' rate of 7.26 clicks per blog post. Incidentally that is twice as many as Isaac Newton and his blog.

Chad Ochocinco and John Boehner

We haven't had a post on John Boehner in a week! How can we be so foolishly distracted by other things? We apologize for our lack of seriousness in pursuing the knowledge of John Boehner with as much vigor as we have been in tracking our coverage of the IKEA vs. Urban Outfitter war or the hipster and their fixie fascination. It is unfortunate but it seems our readership enjoys our faux war and hipster more than Mr. Boehner as well.

President Obama gave the State of the Union last night. Sadly, we feel obliged to post on that and will do so soon. It's not that we don't want to. It's just that everybody already has and we shan't come up with anything original without descending into mockery - something that we're not above doing, but something for which we must pay penance in the form of a cilice for. It's itchy.

But, like many people, Chad Ochocinco was watching the State of the Union address. Unlike many of those that watched it, Mr. Ochocinco had no idea who the grumpy man in the background was. It was of course John Boehner. Chad Ochocinco took to his twitter machine and launched off some tweets about the sad man behind Mr. Obama. He would learn that it was John Boehner and would subsequently cheer him up by calling him angry and pointing out that he was not smiling. It was made better when Chad said, "hope you're ok". John Boehner however was ok and tweeted him the next morning. The conversation ended abruptly when Chad told John Boehner, if all else fails, I love you.

The last of the Milesians - Anaximenes, and we have become fire

So, how do we top our hopelessly sarcastic and barely educational post on Anaximander? Do we harken back to the more informative posts like on Thales where we blind side you with a jab at the end? Well, we don't know. Generally speaking we begin to write what pops into our head, briefly read over it to ensure that we don't say anything that would embarrass our fiancee, the lovely E, and then push publish post and look for places to generate interest on it. There isn't a formula though I am certain it appears so.

So what do we have to say about Anaximenes? Bertrand Russell says that he was much more admired in antiquity than Anaximander, but that this trend has been reversed in modernity. Because modernity tends to be wrong, we here at this blog of repute have backed Anaximenes for whichever office he so chooses.

But, what did Anaximenes teach. Like Thales and his obsession with water and Anaximander and his indefinable infinite item, Anaximenes believed in a fundamental substance. His fundamental substance was air. He reasoned, "the soul is air; fire is rarefied air; when condensed air becomes first water, then if further condensed, earth, and finally stone" (Taken from Bertrand Russell's The History of Western Philosophy). So what does it mean???

It means that air becomes fire when it becomes less dense and other things when it becomes denser. If the soul then is air, when it becomes less dense or otherwise more intelligent, then it becomes fire. We have suddenly had the revelation as to why we are consistently sweating. It has nothing to do with our tropical surroundings or extra poundage, only that we have become so intellectually stimulated and stimulating that we have become the very embodiment of fire. Beware of Leibniz, he has become flame. Come near him and in the famous words of Michael Kelso, burn.

Obviously we chose the last second jab route.

Burn.

Tim Tebow Reaches Beyond Sports, again

Tim Tebow is iconic. He is transcendent. His influence stretches far beyond the gridiron field. But, much of what makes Tebow iconic makes him polarizing. Unfortunately, though, much of the transcendental nature of Tim Tebow is because people attach a great number of things to him unfairly and without warrant. We have the latest of such examples today from the Washington Post.

Tim Tebow, like a good chunk of Evangelical Christians, was homeschooled throughout high school. But, a Floridian law was passed to allow for homeschooled children to play for local public or private schools. This was presumably not done for Tim Tebow alone, but for the many parents of children who pay taxes that support public schools but don't receive any benefit from them. Now a series of laws is coming up in Virginia to allow this to happen and because Tebow was homeschooled, his name naturally and without any consideration of the personhood of Tim Tebow, only his transcendental image, gets attached the Virginia document.

Proponents of the change in the law argue that taxpaying citizens should receive the same treatments across the board. Those against it argue that homeschool children do not meet all of the criteria to play sports in a public school. But, the Republicans of Virginia have enough power to push it through. In a very surprising way, an association that represents teachers is opposing the Republican measure. This is surprising because teacher's unions almost never disagree with Republican policy making.

For our part, there is no right to play sports. However, the idea that homeschool children should be excluded from a function because of the choice of their parents seems wrong and unfair. The argument that it will allow coaches to pick and choose the best players from the state is one that doesn't hold much water because this could be enforced easily enough if school administrators actually did something other than ferociously guard their pensions. At the end of the day this shouldn't be a political matter or a matter for schools whatsoever. If sports were detached from education then we wouldn't have this issue. But then what would ex-jocks do to relive their glory days if there were no such things as Gym Teachers/Football coaches.

We all need a bit of Cubism in our well-rounded lives

Hanover Line I-XXI

Last time we sold out on the Leibnizian Ramblings blog. We drew some pictures for the few people that decided to repost our blog posts. We'd like to thank the kind gentlemen that may or may not be our doppelgänger, otherwise known as our other email account. The stick figure cubism rendition of the famous Katz scene in When Harry Met Sally is on the way.

We however got on a topic that is near and dear to our hearts, Cubism. We think that we enjoy cubism so much because our residual mental image of ourselves is closely akin to Simeon the Great in the Statue known as the Monument to 1300 Years of Bulgaria. It is for this reason that we do not own any mirrors. But nonetheless, we are cubists at heart.

We all know the well-known Cubists or Cubists inspired artists (artists are generally even more opposed to labels than hipsters - in fact, it could be argued that Marcel Duchamp may actually have been a hipster). They include the incredible Pablo Picasso, Mexican artist Diego Rivera and Max Weber. Today however, we'd like to focus on the little known, but highly influential Lyonel Feininger.

Feininger was born in America but lived much of his life in Germany. Prior to WWII he studied in Germany and began to create important pieces of art. When the Nazi Party came to power his work was labeled Entartete Kunst (degenerate art). He came back home to New York and continued his work. Feininger passed into obscurity, at least in North America, because of his time in Germany. He passed away in 1956 and since then his work has not been displayed in its full breadth until now.

The Montreal Museum of Fine Arts is presenting a pretentious sounding "first posthumous retrospective in North America". We get it, art, like hipster has to sound grandiose. But let's break it down for the majority of us who want to experience art as a way of living a well rounded life and not the vocal minority that hopes to use art as a way of making others feel stupid. We here at the Leibnizian Ramblings would never condone such an act...

What is really interesting about this collection is that the full breadth of his work is being put on display. Feininger was more than just a painter. He was a cartoonist first. Then he did a lot of paintings. Then he did some sketching and engraving. Then he started to make engraved toys. He also tinkered with photography. The toys and the photography were never displayed in his lifetime, so seeing all of his work in one place will be a neat thing. Make the trek up to Montreal. Take in Feininger's art, a Canadiens game and eat some poutine. It'll be worth the go...

Oh by the way Feininger was an accomplished violinist and composer to boot.

Anaximander and the insistence of ID Science in the Classroom

Anaximander was the second of three Milesian philosophers. Like Thales, he came of age in the time when Miletus was one of the most important Greek centers in the world. Also like Thales, he was interested in defining the world based on what it was made of. Whereas Thales said that everything is water, Anaximander said that everything was made up of that which we know not exactly what it is, but we know that it is infinite. This boundless or infinite, took the form of other things and those things in turn made up everything that exists. How he arrived at this conclusion is what is really interesting about early Greek philosophy.

Ancient Greeks believed in justice and a balance of power. It wasn't that they believed that we ought to receive justice but, that we are in the midst of justice that will eventually balance itself out. Like Thales, he agreed that there had to be some underlying and foundational substance of which everything else is derived from, but he said that it could not have been an element that we are familiar with because otherwise that fundamental substance would have swallowed everything else up. If there was too much water than water would be destroyed. If there was too much ground there wouldn't enough air. The elements had this symbiotic relationship and were assigned a specific amount of space to occupy by this cosmic sense of justice. But, fire and water and earth and air constantly try to expand their existence. Therefore, since there needs to be a primary substance and none of the elements can be that substance without overtaking all of the other substances, the substance must be something else. Also, things keep coming so that substance that makes up everything must be eternal and boundless. Staying with me? Glad you got it on the first try. It took us much longer.

Anaximander would have been a boring post though if we only spoke about first substances. It also would not have provided us with a platform to pose a lowbrow joke at the expense of someone else. Thus, we must continue on the topic of Anaximander in order for me to do, as what the hipsters call it, a snark. Anaximander also believed in evolution. He taught that man, like every other living creature, had evolved from fishes. His reasoning behind this was that man takes so long to mature during infancy that if he had been a man in the wild he would not have made it. This theory however, was not well received by the traditionalists who said that the Prometheus had made man and was subjected to the horrors of woman by Zeus' rage. But Anaximander was an excellent rhetorician and well funded by deep-pocketed liberals. He won the argument and his theory of evolution was taught to all the young Milesians. After years of trying the defeated traditionalists repackaged their thoughts and said that man posseses the ability to weild fire, this demands that man must've been given fire by something greater than himself. They said, "we admit that to say that Prometheus gave man fire, though an obvious and true statement, would go against your poor rendering of the freedoms guaranteed by the constitution; however, to not teach the existence of man because of the gift of fire alongside the theory of Anaximander's nonsense about man coming from what can be made in to school lunches when molded into straight lines, breaded and deep fried is a travesty of justice. Since there must necessarily be justice the Prometheus version must be taught along side the Anaximander one".

Urban Outfitters continues their domination in Boulder, CO

Urban Outfitters cannot be trusted. If you want up to date and modern apparel seek IKEA, otherwise you have been hipsterified. The hipserificiation though will roll on unchecked if let be. The hipesterification continues as Free People, a division of the evil empire opens up in Boulder, CO. Free People, the more expensive brand of Urban Outfitters is coming to Boulder, CO. The nearest IKEA is 41 miles away. We know that you can't find a strapless and bohemian dress at IKEA unless you have been privy to a sleepover, but every IKEA has lingonberry jam, which substitutes for everything else. Residents of Boulder, beware of Free People, it is a trendy way to sacrifice liberty for tyranny. Rand Paul would agree if he wasn't stuck in TSA security...

Leibniz sells out and the science behind it

Hanover Line I-XX

Last time when we were perusing the mind that is the Hanover line of thought we spoke of a Lord of the Flies scenario involving boogers and playground slides. We were confident about the prospects of placing a cutesy photograph of a baby on it to generate income, we mean readership... We were right in our estimation. A lot of our posts recently have been focusing our attention on Search Engine Optimization, a technique used to increase readership and thus, profitability. Philosophy does not pay what it once did. There are no Holy Roman Emperors lining up to fill our pocketbooks these days and sadly, Paris has switched from philosophy to fashion. Therefore we have opted to sell out somewhat in order to eek out a living. Hence the donate button to the right.

By the way, if you have not donated a dollar to the cause of optimism then you are a pessimist. Pessimism is always a self-defeating existentially repugnant way of living. Do you want that label? We think not. Click the link and drop us a five spot so we can eat dinner tomorrow.

Back to our point about selling out. A new research has been financed to explain what part of the brain is active when people decide that profitability is more important than principles. Incredibly, even in this time of austerity this was probably financed indirectly or directly by some government. Remind us later to figure out how to write grants. We digress though...

People in this study were offered $100 dollars to sign a paper expressing the opposite belief that they held. More often than not they took the $100 bucks and moved on with their life. We here at Leibnizian Ramblings cannot hope to offer the same amount of money to finance such a study. However, we feel that we are good enough artists to offer you a sketch of whatever you would like in black and white or photoshop color if you sign a contract to repost fifteen of our blogposts. Our speciality is cubism recreations of current political figures or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle compilations depicting current events. Click on one of the advertisements and shoot us an email and photo evidence of your patronage and we will draw what ever you like in whichever style you like (so long as it, in a Henry Ford type of way, involves stick figures). Our drawings make great hipster tee shirts...

I'll take a shot of espresso with some vodka thank you

Saxony Line I-XVIII

Last time in our thought experience we focused on the hipster dilemma of facing snow. Since then we have highlighted the Orange County Hipster in all his folly. We also stated "Alas these bitter herbs! They leavest now my mouth in such disarray". Many of you googled this to see who said it. It was an original quote thank you very much.

We focused on the snow storm that pummeled the Pacific Northwest in our last Saxony post so we thought we might do some exploration of the Pac-NW in the vein of Sacagawea and the people who enslaved her. Caustic enough? We're trying to increase readership and we've realized that in this MTV dominated world the only way to be popular is to court controversy. However, we are so civilized that this is difficult for us.

Starbucks, a symbol of the Pacific Northwest that is on par with Redwoods and Nike has announced that they will begin serving alcohol at some of their stores. Starbucks shops in Southern California, Chicago and Atlanta will begin serving alcohol in 2012. We think that this is a brilliant idea. If we could combine Starbucks Sumatra with a double shot of Grey Goose we think we could replace the Jägerbomb. The dark roast and flavorful Sumatra is clearly superior to Red Bull and we think that the avoidance of cinnamon flavored liqueur is advisable to anyone not aged 19-23 and possessing female tendencies. We're off to Chicago to pitch our new cocktail. See you in the Windy City!

Orange County Hipsters

We all know that the Mecca of Hipsterdom is Brooklyn, New York, with the Hipster Ka'aba being located in Williamsburg. We also know that the Hipster Medina is Portland, Oregon. Seattle is Hipsterdom's Jerusalem. Seattle is the Jerusalem of this mix because it shares its holy status with two other groups The Frasier Religion, which is based on an unhealthy devotion to Kelsey Grammer and the dying religion of Grunge. But a crazy report is coming out today that Orange County might be the most hipster place of all.

The crowning of Orange County as Hipster central however focuses on one sole thing. The amount of fixies in the OC. For those of you who are not hipster or hipster curious a fixie is a bicycle that has no freewheel, meaning one can never coast on a fixie. Coasting is for cool people. Hipster hates cool. It is much more deck to effortlessly pedal an ironic looking bike. The real hipster of hipster rides a fixie with no breaks. That shows how much they don't care. They could die at any moment. It's hipster unto death.

But a hipster is more than someone who rides a fixie. A hipster is ironic without understanding the meaning of irony. This notion that facial hair can be ironic is anathema to true irony pioneers. The only thing that could be ironic about a mustache is if a person with a mustache was on his smoking break where smoking was illegal. There is also nothing ironic about PBR per se. The only thing ironic is that America's worst tasting beer is now America's most expensive beer because of the hipster appropriation of it. Soon it will be unaffordable to hipsters. Hipster running up the price on PBR to the point they can no longer afford it, now that is ironic.

The OC however could in fact become the Harar of Hipsterdom. Hipsters could move to the OC from Mecca (Williambsburg) because they have grown tired of the poor weather and because hipsters generally can't stand the sight of each other. Hipsters could travel south from Portland to seek refuge the upcoming Renaissance Tour of The Decemberists and Death Cab for Cutie. And it is conceivable that hipsters from Seattle could ride their fixies down to Big Sur and miss the exit because they were fiddling with their iPod and find comfort in the OC. So, while the article says that the OC is the biggest hipster hot spot, we estimate that it could never be anything more than the fourth holy city of Hipsterdom.

Rand Paul gets detained in the airport. The incident becomes a political battle over fast food.

We've already profiled Rand Paul on our Tea Party Caucus tour but he made some headlines today. The senator from Kentucky was flying through Nashville airport and when his knee made the security scanner get all wonky the TSA officers told them he would have to be patted down, the standard procedure. Rand Paul objected and made it into a whole scene. We understand the want to speak out when one has been held up by the TSA. It's frustrating, annoying and realistically Rand Paul probably does not look like someone who is about to cause damage to an aircraft through a terrorist attack.

But, this is the day we live in. It would be wrong only to profile Middle Eastern looking men or Muslims, or Sikhs (who are often mistaken for Muslims by uneducated policemen and security workers). If we do not want to slip into a racist form of McCarthyism in today's world than we need to use technology to our advantage and when that technology triggers something then we go to a manual check, regardless of what the traveler looks like. Besides, plenty of terrorist attacks have been perpetrated by middle aged White men. Timothy McVeigh, Ted Kaczynski and Gordon Kahl were all white men that operated in terrorism.

Unfortunately, in another sign of the times this incident became instantly politicized. Republican presidential hopeful and Rand Paul's father, Ron Paul called the TSA a police state. In an interesting and completely unforeseeable twist, the White House has defended the actions of the TSA. In other news the Republicans have declared that it is ok to eat fried chicken on Fridays. The Democrats countered that fried chicken is very unhealthy for you and thus, should only be eaten on Saturdays.

Sensational Shapers 2012 - Super Mario Bros.

So we haven't quite set the world on fire with our quickening pace of sensational shapers. So far we've only done half. We covered Uniqlo, Culture Club, Xi Jinping, Marine Le Pen and the opponents of Hugo Chavez. How many other philosophers of note do you know that are capable of squeezing Japanese hipsters, washed up New Wavers, Repressive Masters in Waiting, Xenophobia and the hope for Capitalism in Venezuela into a single coherent sentence? That's what we thought.

So we move on to our sixth Sensational Shaper of 2012 to find another tandem. We understand that most of you probably clicked on the link because of the name and expected to read about some plumbers who warp through green tubes to save princesses whilst jumping on villainous mushrooms' noggins. It's called a bait and switch. We apologize for it, but let's face it we're a struggling freelance philosopher. Unlike Mel Brooks who was a standup philosopher and could collect unemployment when he attempted unsuccessfully to bullshit, we get nothing if we don't get visitors. Please tell your friends, we are very hungry!

The Mario Brothers that we're talking are important and will undoubtedly be shaping 2012 the globe over by attempting to pull Europe out of the sewers. Mario Monti, the Prime Minister of Italy and Mario Draghi, the President of the European Central Bank will have to do battle with much more dastardly demons than Magikoopas and Shy Guys. However, they will be in a consistent rescue mode because like Princess Daisy, every time Greece is saved, Europe has to turn around and save her again in the next level.

Let's start with Mario Monti because he is older. Mario Monti succeeded Silvio Berlusconi and his bunga-bunga nightmare of fiscal and other types of irresponsibility. His coming to power happened at an incredible perilous time for Italy. Italy, Europe's fourth largest economy seems poised to come crashing down with a force that would rival a throw of Donkey Kong's barrels on Mario's skull. The result would be a resounding game over. Mr. Monti though is everything that his predecessor was not. Mario attends parties like the Friends of Europe, Bruegel, and Trilateral Commission, three respectable think tanks that presumably do not have underage Moroccan girls that go by the stage name Ruby present. He is a Yale-trained Economics guy who has operated a technocratic government in Italy since November of 2011 working to implement austerity measures and hopefully liberalize some of Italy's stagnating economy. But, there is a downside to not being Berlusconi. The charisma and charm and unflappable nature of Berlusconi in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds is something that Mario Monti simply does not have. As Italians will undoubtedly feel the pressures of Mr Monti's austerity measures the question posed is, does Mario have the ability to hold together a country that sometimes wishes it was not a unified entity.

Mario Monti has a difficult job dealing with internal collapse and pressure from the European Union to ensure that it doesn't fold over like a piece of pizza right before we take a big bite. But, Mario Draghi has an even less enviable position to fill. Mario Draghi's rise to the head of the ECB was not one without controversy. France liked him and then didn't and then did again. Germany was against him, but when the German frontrunner Alex Weber said he didn't want to do the job Germany announced that they were behind Draghi because he was the most German of all the remaining candidates. It is an interesting turn of events where Romans are proud to be German-like. Octavian would be disgusted. But the reason that Mr Draghi has the more difficult job is that even if Mario Monti can get a handle on Italy's finances, Mr Draghi has to play a juggling match between rising Euro skeptics in national politics and the need to keep the Euro zone from collapsing that would be disastrous for the world at large. Ireland, Portugal, Spain and the perennial favorites to default, Greece still threaten to pull the whole apparatus down. Britain is upset with the Euro zone over French and German collusion to freeze London out. Hungarians might be breaking the Euro treaty with their increasing authoritarian stance. Russia is encroaching on European states that would otherwise turn to the Euro for assistance. The question is will Mario Draghi be able to navigate 8 levels of problems? Will he be able to find a magic whistle or two to skip some of the more difficult stages?

Everything is H2O, Lessons from Thales

So, it comes to pass that we, a philosopher of note are sadly lagging behind in our duty to philosophize. For heaven's sake we have seven posts about zombies and only two posts about philosophy! We are so ashamed!

So to recommence with a renewed sense of vigor we have traveled back to the dawn of Philosophy to the coast of Asia Minor and made contact with Thales. Thales told us that everything was made of water, showed us how to calculate the distance between three points by way of a triangle and said that there would be a total solar eclipse for the citizens of the United States on August 21, 2017. We asked him about the doomsday of 2012 and he said that that was preposterous superstition and swore by the Delphic Apollo that if his predictions were wrong the world would cease to float upon the great waters of the earth.

We didn't know what to do with all of that. We didn't know how we could relate this to today. So we kept digging and we learned some interesting things about Miletus, the Ionian city he was from. At the time of Thales, Miletus was being ravaged by class warfare. The land owning aristocrats and the peasants were battling with one another for power. The peasants, in modern terms we'd call them the 99% got the upper hand and killed many of the aristocrat's wives and children. Not to be outdone, the aristocrats started burning the 99% alive. Thales, a member of the wealthy was ushered away to Egypt to learn in peace.

Upon returning to Miletus he saw that the power of the aristocracy had waned. In their place was the gradual rise of wealthy merchants. The wealthy merchants ruled for a time until through a democratic process a tyrant seized power of the polis. It is in this backdrop that Thales pretty much gave birth simultaneously to philosophy and science.

So what lessons can we learn from this today? Class warfare leads to mass atrocities. When the 1% lose power it will be gradually replaced by wealthy merchants, i.e. modern corporations. Modern corporations will eventually lose power because democracy will elect a tyrant. Is our lesson too late?

Land Diving, Kardashians and happily ever after

Ok, so this is nothing new. I'm sure that you've seen this all before. But, we had not. The other day we were watching a British television show called An Idiot Abroad. The name of this show has a bit of a personal meaning for us that we won't get into. What we saw was shocking. The show's hosts were in Vanuatu visiting a tribe that lived on Pentecost Island.

The local men would climb up this rickety wooden platform and then dive as if they were diving into the water with two vines tied to their ankles. First, the height from which they are diving from is any where from 60 to 100 feet. Second, when they near the ground the snap sound made by the vines forced to me to respond audibly in horror. We scared the children with our exclamations.

The ritual in the video is used to bless the yams. But, the diving is all about showing off one's manliness. Apparently their are some stories about how it started. A woman was very put off by her husband's rapacious sexual appetites and ran away from him into the woods. The husband gave chase. She then tied vines to her ankles and jumped off a cliff to escape him. Seeing that his wife had not died the man jumped to his death. The men jump now so they cannot be tricked by a woman. Interestingly though, the woman who escaped her husband moved to Los Angeles to become a marriage counselor. She had a pretty famous practice and garnered A-List celebrities like Kim Kardashian and Heidi Klum. She is also working to ensure that Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel make it happily ever after for at least two years.