Eric Cantona once said, "I am searching for abstract ways of expressing reality, abstract forms that will enlighten my own mystery." Well, he has found a way of enlightening the mystery. Today, the former footballer for the French National Team and Manchester United has announced that he is going to run for president of France in 2012. His decision to run is so that he can promote and highlight the French housing crisis. However this could be the perfect storm and Cantona could become the leader of France.
First of all, there is all kinds of craziness going on in Europe. There is the banking crisis. There is questions of whether the Euro can last. Then there are no religions popping up based on copying and pasting. The craziness continues even in France with a lawsuit brought for compensation in the Michael Jackson wrongful death. Plus the French are starting to really hate the current President Nicolas Sarkozy more than they hate Americans not named Cole Porter. And the serious alternative to Sarkozy from the socialists Dominique Strauss-Kahn was knocked out of the race by a sex scandal in New York leaving the French with the alternative of electing this femme fatale. France is ripe for a President Eric Cantona and we for one, could not be happier.
This begs the question of what Eric Cantona would be like as the leader of France. Besides his support of the Corsican freedom fighters he has a bevy of social causes that are near and dear to his heart. His movement against the banks was a failure as a civilian but as a President these words might not ring so hollow. "The revolution is really easy to do these days. What's the system? The system is built on the power of the banks. So it must be destroyed through the banks. A real revolution". So Cantona would pull all the power from the banks and assumably give any power that he doesn't keep to himself to the poor and working classes of France.
We for one will be voting in absentia for Mr. Cantona, mainly because we would have endless supply of material to work with. Exhibit A is his reflection on his truly remarkable football career when he said, presumably without a single prompt, "my best moment? I have a lot of good moments but the one I prefer is when I kicked the hooligan." However, we would also vote for him out of fear of being the second known recipient of that merciless kick. If you have never seen it, even if you hate soccer, you must click here to witness something that makes the basketball player formerly known as Ron Artest's soiree in the Malice at the Palace seem like the most sanguine of events.
We shall leave you then with the immortal words of the hopefully immortal Cantona, "When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea. Thank you very much". It has a very presidential ring to it no?
So a world where Eric Cantona is President of France would be the best of all possible worlds?
ReplyDeleteAnd how exactly is a recently deceased German able to vote in France? Something smells fishy here.
Sadly no, a world in which Eric Cantona is not the best of all possible worlds. But yes, I have a grandfather clause to vote in French elections. You forget my time in Paris? Remember too it was my suggestion that France invade Egypt. Napoleon took that advice. It is unimportant the results of such an encounter, but his usage of my advice assures me suffrage rights.
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