IKEA has come to save us from Urban Outfitters!

We first uncovered an Urban Outfitters plot to take over the world and published it here. Later, we found a possible methodology and wondered aloud, if there would come forth a knight in shining armor to save us from the clutches of the evil UO. It appears that our prayers have been answered by a driving force out of Småland. The Skogsra and Sjora have been called out from the woods and waters, respectively in such a show of force it will cause even the mightiest trolls at Urban Outfitters to fear. One can only hope for a soul as stout as Styrbjörn the Strong to emerge from the melee.

What am I talking about you may ask? As you recall, UO is bent on world domination. First by creating an entire population of hipsters, unable or unwilling to stand confrontation long enough and thus, so docile that enslavement will merely be sulkingly lamented rather than vigorously fought against. Second, UO is acculturating us to accept their cartographical skills by customizing them with butterflies and hipster-friendly emblems, slowly but surely carving out a small empire for themselves. Since we the hipster sheep will undoubtedly continue to buy only their maps, the gradual expansion of the United Republic of Urban Outfitters carved out of some Eurasian "stan" countries we've never heard of will become commonplace to us. By the time they have effectively mounted their way into Western European countries we have some vague name recognition of it will be too late as the hipsterification of the Western World will have been complete. With that backdrop in mind it was clear that we needed a corporation to fend off this naked power grab by UO. That corporation has appeared in the non-publicly traded (this is important to us 99%ers with no aspirations of reaching the 1%) company IKEA.

IKEA has decided to build a neighborhood in East London attracting to it IT and creatives to it. I wonder if they have any need for a stand-up philosopher, but I've digressed. Certainly, IKEA will not stand for some other corporation attempting to control all of the world. And since IKEA and UO both sell house furnishings there is no likelihood of some impending evil axis between the two. Thus, the great epic battle of the 21st century has begun. In one corner the evil empire, UO and the other, our champion and hero, the Swedish Hammer, IKEA.

Länge leve Sverige!

Long live IKEA!