Why Hipsters are dangerous

First and foremost, hipsters are dangerous because they are notoriously difficult to categorize. However, for those who do not identify themselves and are merely looking to identify the enemy amongst, this distinction is unnecessary. However, a hipster dislikes labels so calling them any of these names would be offensive to them: hipster (calling a hipster a hipster will cause them to cringe simply because it is a label), scenester (a vain hipster), emo (a hipster who is still a teenager), scene kid (a scenester who still uses myspace), poser (a hipster who other hipsters hate for their commercialized tendencies), trendster (a hipster who is trendy) or indie (a category that would be too inclusive for a hipster’s taste).

But, for us non-hipsters and non hipster-curious types, a hipster can be any of these things. A hipster therefore, is merely a trendy teenager or young adult that tends toward progressive movements with no ideological anchoring. In this sense, they are akin to many of the 99%ers and Occupy protestors. While these occupy protestors are mad without knowing what exactly they are made about, a hipster is disenfranchised with only a vague understanding of what they are disenfranchised from. Hipsters will often look like 19^th century dandies or be wearing clothes that look like, but are not purchased from (or openly announced as being purchased from) Urban Outfitters. However, UO has yet to inculcate all of their shoppers yet, hence there are hipsters and hipster curious.

But, why would such a seemingly innocuous segment of the population be so dangerous? Their drive to be non-conformist for the sake of non-conformity will eventually lead us as a species to extinction. It is only a matter of time before they simply choose not to eat because everyone else is eating. They will refuse to procreate because procreation is viewed as cool, something that hipsters hate. This will lead to an unsexed and starving population. At this point the governments of the world will have no recourse but to turn to people that understand hipsters and what hipsters like. They will unfortunately have no recourse but to turn to the recent region carved from the corners of Uzbekistan, Kyrgyzstan, and Tajikistan known as the United Republic of Urban Outfitters. In short the dangers of Hipsters comes from the impending rise of Hipsterdom.

By being forced to turn to The United Republic of Urban Outfitters, governments will have to concede powers to UO and their evil genius Republican masters, leaving us all vulnerable to the greedy 1% of the 1% of the 1%, known as the .001%. These individuals will then control everything in deed and in name. Scary stuff. Beware of the hipsters. When you see a hipster, engage them in rational debate causing them to become further disenfranchised. They will eventually become disenfranchised with being disenfranchised. Their tendency towards a lack of thoughtful non-conformity will cause them to act non-conformingly towards nonconformity. This will cause a short circuit in their synapses, rendering them yuppies. Hey, yuppies are at least productive members of society.